Читать книгу The Complete Parenting Collection - Steve Biddulph, Steve Biddulph - Страница 68

A few months ago, something happened that made me want to cry, and I hesitated, knowing my twelve-year-old son was in the room or close by. I’d just received a phone call telling me that a good friend had terminal cancer. I went into shock, put the phone down and began to fight back the tears. I walked into the living room, thinking: ‘Is this okay? Is this how I want my son to see me?’ The answer came back: ‘Of course, it’s good that he sees me like this.’

I asked my wife for a hug, and stood there holding her and sobbing. I felt my son’s approach and then his hand on my shoulder – he was comforting me! The three of us stood there hugging. It was wonderful, incredible to have things reversed like that.

Perhaps seeing me like that will mean that, when he needs to, he also will have access to the sweet release of tears. I don’t want him to be bottled up and volcanic when he meets the inevitable griefs of life. And I don’t think he will be. (A letter from Tony S.)

There are some great organisations for separated dads that have sprung up, which are mostly constructive and very helpful. Also divorce courts are now more aware that kids need fathers in their lives, and will work to make sure that contact is shared and maintained.

For your children’s sake, if your marriage comes to an end, learn to be polite and kind to your ex-partner, even if you don’t always feel it. Better still, work to preserve your partnership by giving that some time and attention too, before it’s too late.