Читать книгу The Complete Parenting Collection - Steve Biddulph, Steve Biddulph - Страница 75

When I was a young man, I studied martial arts in my spare time. I was pretty bad at it, but I liked the idea of being able to defend myself and others. Perhaps I would get a chance to rescue a beautiful maiden. The one time I got mugged though, the mugger didn’t use any of the attacks I had learnt to defend. I remember thinking, ‘Damn, I wish he would attack me the way I was taught! (Luckily the mugger had terrible timing, and some police actually came round the corner and arrested him in the act.)

Being a father is rather like this. We men think we have to be completely prepared; or worse, we think that if we don’t know what to do, there’s something wrong with us. But parenthood is all about stuffing up. That’s how you learn. Kids keep changing, each kid is different, and it’s only by stuffing up that you get it right. The trick is to keep wide awake and see what works, and change if it doesn’t.

As our kids reach new ages and create new challenges, we inevitably lose the plot at times. Can they stay at their new friend’s place overnight?, Is that film suitable for them to watch?, What is a fair consequence for this misbehaviour? … Sometimes it’s a difficult call.

What to do? If you don’t have an answer on the spot, then it’s okay to stall. The best thing to do is simply talk it over with your partner or a friend. If you are both stuck, talk it over with other parents. My kids know that if they hassle me, I am more likely to give an unfavourable decision, so they have become more careful! But if I genuinely don’t know what to do or say, I reply, ‘Well, I’m not happy about it, but I’ll sleep on it and we’ll talk some more tomorrow.’ As long as you always follow up, this response works well. Family life is a work in progress. You only get in trouble if you ‘have to be right’ and you ‘have to show them who’s boss’. If you are human, it goes much better.