Читать книгу The Complete Parenting Collection - Steve Biddulph, Steve Biddulph - Страница 81

Right from the start, a woman’s own ‘male history’ has an effect on her mothering. We needlessly, unconsciously set huge store on what sex a baby is. Many people can’t even really relate to a baby until they ask what kind it is. This shouldn’t matter, but it does.

Every time a mother looks at her baby boy, hears him crying for her or changes his nappy, she is aware that he’s male. So, whatever maleness has meant to her will now come into the foreground.

A woman remembers her dad and how he treated her. She has the experience of brothers, cousins and the boys she knew at school. And then all the men she has known – lovers, teachers, bosses, doctors, ministers, co-workers and friends. All these are woven into her ‘male history’, colouring her attitude to this unsuspecting little baby boy!

Her ideas on ‘what men are like’, ‘how men have treated me’ and ‘what I would want to be different about men’ all begin to affect how she acts towards her child.

As if that wasn’t enough, her feelings about this baby’s father also complicate the picture. As he grows up, does he look like his father? Does that make her love him more? If she is no longer with his father, or if there are problems, this can colour her feelings, too. A woman may be very aware of all these feelings, or this entire process might be totally unconscious.