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SLIPPIN’ AND SLIDIN’: WHY AND HOW YOU SHOULD USE LUBE

People have some shady ideas about lube. Frankly, it has a little bit of a bad rep. You only use it if something is really wrong and if something is wrong, well, something is wrong. Either something is not right with you or your partner is not doing what needs to happen to make the waters gush forward. But this is not true and there’s a reason that a lot of people put time and effort into making some wet and wild lubricants that can enhance your sex life if used properly. It’s time to brush up on your knowledge about your little liquid helper.

How dry sex becomes diseased sex

The existence of a wet vagina is linked to a whole host of things that people like to be problematic about. Supposedly a wet vagina means that someone is loose or they have a disease. It’s even thought to be a sign of having a lot of sex with a lot of people (who aren’t their partner). People with vaginas are trying to dry them out in a whole host of wild ways. In Indonesia there are people squatting over some smoky herbs, in Malawi women are pulverising rock and putting it in their punani, whilst in South Africa people are pouring Coke into the wrong set of lips. There are people inserting vagina cigars to keep it ‘clean and dry’. There are people putting bleach, cloths, detergents (do your laundry instead people), antiseptics and even alcohol8 up there. There is even some chat about vagina steaming as a way of drying things out and tightening things up.

It’s already bad enough that douching and feminine hygiene products are a billion-dollar industry as if vaginas should smell of anything except … vagina. No one is growing a field of fruits down there, thank you very much.

Having a dry vagina is not a real thing and the problem with the idea of dry sex (other than being absolutely trash sex, because it can be incredibly painful) is that it puts you at higher risk of HIV and other STIs due to micro tears in condoms and vaginal abrasions. Dry sex means that you are more likely to spread STIs.

Dry sex sucks.

And this is where the lube comes in. Using lube isn’t only about pleasurable sex, it also becomes an important part of being safe during sex and STI transmission prevention.

Here are some myths about lube we need to leave behind and embrace that slippery goodness.

Myth 1: You only use it when something is ‘wrong’

It’s time to have sex and you are drier than the Sahara Desert in the middle of global warming. This can happen, and there are a lot of different reasons for a vagina to not produce the necessary moisture. The list of reasons is quite long and includes (but isn’t limited to) being dehydrated, taking certain common medications, hormonal imbalances, not feeling the situation or not being quite turned on yet. Stresses of life can also affect your ability to get wet, you can be incredibly horny and full of arousal but it is just not happening psychologically, which affects your physical state. Mind over matter in this case.

The thing about lube is people think that the only time lubricant should be used is when trying to solve a sexual problem. Hence, when someone suggests lube there’s some offence taken because either a. someone is saying you are not wet enough, or b. someone is saying you do not get them wet enough. This is not only incorrect (there is nothing wrong with a dry spell, it does not mean you are ‘broken’) but also there is nothing wrong with using lube to get a little extra moisture. Lube should be seen as more of an aid and less of a ‘mini medical treatment’.

Sometimes taking lube out of the crisis kit aka the ‘moisture is gone and we need to panic’ mode also removes some of the taboo around using lube. Try switching it up in terms of how and when you use it and you shall see it’s so much fun.

Myth 2: Lube is only for when a penis and (dry) vagina come together

You do not just whip out the lube because a penis wants to enter a vagina and the vagina is dry. Outside of the fact that someone can be wet and you can still put some lube in the mix, there are so many other things you can do with lube, which shall be outlined below. But to whet your appetite you could put it on sex toys or use it for rubbing on each other without penetration. It also comes in flavours. Do with that information what you will.

Myth 3: This lube, that lube, there is no difference

So now you’re thinking of getting your collection of lube. Should you go for the one that smells of coconut, or the one that tingles? The one that you can also use as massage oil or the one that is straightforward, odourless and will not make your sheets smell like your genitals have been on holiday sipping piña coladas for a month?

The thing is, lubes come in so many different forms and it’s about testing them out to see what suits you and your needs. Making sure that you try things will mean that you can pick up which ones feel best on your skin, which work well with your sex toys and which ones won’t set your genitalia on fire. You might prefer the things one lube can do and hate the smell of another. Some lubes are simply badly made and can make a mess. You may like that one lube that is easily accessible or is easy on your pocket. You make like the taste. Whatever! It’s about finding your fave and experimenting with it.

Water-based lubricants

Let’s just say it: water-based lubricants are your best friend when it comes to this lube life. This is because water-based lube is the most versatile of the various types and safe to use when engaging in all the sexy activities you want from sex toys, to condoms, to putting it inside someone, to rubbing it on your elbow during a sexy dance - no task is too hard. And if things get a little dry you can add a little more or reactivate it with water.

Added bonus is that they are easy to wash off, unlike some of the other types of lube.

Silicone lubricants

Silicone-based lubes just keep going and going. They are also great for if you want to play in water and safe for smearing on your latex products. But they are not so great when it comes to silicone-based sex toys and diaphragms because they will mess up the surface of these silicone products.

Oil-based lubes

These keep things able to slip and slide for long periods of time and give a ‘silky smooth experience’. They’re often thicker and creamier than the other types. According to some experts, these are great for solo play aka masturbation and can also be brought out for some great massages (think how a masseuse uses oils for all them rubdowns). Remember though, they are a not to be used with latex condoms/contraceptives and for sex toys. This type of lube may also be hard to wash off your body and sheets.

Petroleum-based lubes

It is a no for this type of lube. Using this type is tricky because it’s hard to wash off and causes some irritation by messing with the pH of the vagina (if that is where you put it) and leads to yeast infections. There is nothing worse than smelling of your lube hours later whilst your juicy bits are itchy and scratchy. They can also mess up your condoms and latex toys.

Quick question: Can you just use wet things you find lying around?

There are things that you look at and think they could work but this is not always the case. It really is a game of chance but if you do want to use everyday household products, things to try include olive oil or baby oil. However, they have the same problems as oil-based lubes and should not be used with condoms. Other things you find around the house that might seem sexy (such as honey or bath oils) might irritate the vagina, mess up the pH balance and lead to yeast infections which no one wants. Flavoured lubes also contain sugars, which means they can be used for fun activities that involve your tongue (and tonsils) but try to avoid them for penetrative (penis/vagina) sex.

Myth 4: My condom is lubricated, so I’m good to go

Condoms and lube: same WhatsApp group, meaning they go together. They hang out in the same bars. They should be used together. There is the idea that because you have a slippery second skin then there is no need for lube but condoms and lubricant go very well together.

Unlubricated latex can cause more friction than skin-to-skin contact, which means lubricant can make things even smoother. Condoms come with lubricant on the outside and some come with a little extra lube on the inside, which adds to the pleasure of the person wearing the condom. Adding even more lube to the inside and the outside can enhance the feeling that there is nothing between the two of you but hot passion.

Myth 5: A lot of lube is better than a little lube

Too much lube can make the area slippery and make penetration a little more tricky, especially in terms of penetration that involves deep in and out strokes. In this case, so that you don’t slip out and miss the entry point, it’s best to rub off the excess lube so that you are using it for exactly what it needs to be used for. If you have a little too much, feel free to spread it around and rub it into other parts of the body.

So many uses for lube, so little time

So now that we know lube is not that bad and are wiser about it, we can say wet sex is great sex and lube can be used for a whole bunch of things.

•It can ease any vaginal dryness (which is never anything to be ashamed of and as we said, can happen for a whole bunch of reasons including stress, hormonal changes, medications or lack of foreplay).

•Flavoured lubes can make oral sex even more tasty and fun (just make sure you taste the flavour first). Also you can lick it off your partner when the fun is done.

•Sex toys can be even more pleasurable if you drip a little lube on them.

•It can help if a partner has a bigger package because it will make it slide in easier.

•It can be used as a massage oil and to stimulate non-genital focused erogenous zones.

•Lube can make your erection stand to attention longer.

•You can put it on your hands before rubbing and touching your partner’s vulva or penis. This makes them extra slippery, giving a little extra sensation to a foreplay classic.

•When putting something inside a vagina or anus – fingers, a fist, a sex toy – the whole thing will be much smoother with lube.