Читать книгу Meditations for Pain Recovery - Tony Greco - Страница 42

FEBRUARY 1

CONTROL

PHYSICAL BALANCE

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.”

Tao Te Ching

Control. What a word. There was a time when I thought I was in control, of myself and of the world and the people in it. Paradoxically, that was during the time of my active addiction. Oh, yes, I may have been “in control” of my emotions and my feelings, but I was really just dulling them with medication so that I wouldn’t feel them. That was only the illusion of control, because ultimately, my addiction had total control over me. It was my master.

Entering pain recovery, I was told I had to accept my powerlessness. To me that sounded like admitting I couldn’t be in control, and I didn’t like it. However, through abstaining from abuse of medications, attending meetings, working steps with a sponsor, and being of service to others, I began to see that the real way to regain some kind of control over my life was to relinquish the need to control my feelings by abusing medication. I began to feel a kind of mastery over myself, ironically, when I gave up trying to control my life or that of others. I leave that to my higher power today.

I strive to keep my ego in check and make decisions based on my actual, not perceived, needs as filtered through recovery, not through my desires based on a distorted perspective of a self-image. I do not allow my ego to control all aspects of my life today.