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THE RABBIT

The Rabbit, or Bunny, is a perfect darling. He sits on the lawn, twitching his nose and wiggling his ears and looking so innocent that you feel all soft and protective. That is the way the rabbit wants you to feel. He has just finished the last of your string beans and as soon as you turn your back he is going to eat your pet petunia.¹ He knows you will be pretty sore but you will forgive him because you are a weak character. You always give him a break, so he figures you are slightly half-witted. Rabbits have no important thoughts. Their brains are quite smooth and unwrinkled, from lack of mental exercise. They do not even try. Our brains are full of contortions and convolutions, showing that we have made an effort at least. Be that as it may, Rabbits are able to multiply at the age of four months without any previous training. It must come natural. Rabbits are seldom the homebody type. Here and there a Rabbit will have the same mate for awhile, but they are not fanatics on the subject. They have excellent eyesight and what they miss is hardly worth seeing.² Rabbits need a good talking to, especially the males.³ Hares and Rabbits are said to be mad in March, when they race around in the moonlight, kicking up their heels. They feel good in March. What’s so peculiar about that? Some authorities insist that the Cottontail Rabbit is really a Hare. They are wasting their breath, for we all know a Rabbit when we see one. Officially, the Jack Rabbit is also a Hare and the Belgian Hare is a Rabbit. The English or Jugged Hare is out of luck.⁴ Many persons have lived useful and happy lives without learning all the slight technical differences between the Rabbit and the Hare, so why worry?⁵ Rabbits and Hares are only rodents, anyhow. We are far superior to the rodents in all sorts of ways. For example — well, I’m sure I could think of a lot of ways if you’d give me a little more time.

1 Rabbits chew on the bias simply to be cute.

2 Rabbits do not sleep with their eyes open and let’s not argue.

3 They would reply that you’re only young once. It’s a point.

4 The ancients said that Hares run faster uphill than down. Times have changed.

5 You’ve got along so far, haven’t you?