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THE MOUSE

You may not care much for Mice but they exist just the same. In fact, there are more Mice in the world than any other mammal.¹ Wherever you are, there is a Mouse not far away. He may be closer than you think. Mice of all kinds are extremely prolific. Mother Mice have babies all the year round, from four to thirteen at a time. They don’t know when to stop.² Young Mice grow up very quickly. They leave the nest and start something when they are only a few weeks old, and it is always the same old story. So I guess Mice will go on forever. The House Mouse is found in all civilized places and in some others I might mention. Mouseologists say House Mice are not native American Mice as they were introduced from abroad, but who wasn’t? House Mice settled in Jamestown in 1607 and more came on the Mayflower in 1620. Unless he arrived on the last boat, any Mouse chosen at random has more ancestors born in this country than any Mouseologist of my acquaintance, so why be stuffy about it? The Field Mouse and the White-footed Mouse were here even before 1492 and you don’t hear them heckling us on the subject, either. House Mice are loyal little creatures. They will stay with you to the last crumb. They sample everything in the pantry and you can hardly blame them.³ Mice believe chocolate layer cakes grow wild for the general good. They think life is like that. It should be. Once in a while a Mouse will sneak into the living room to watch you at your strange antics, and you may decide to let him stick around, he looks so friendly and intelligent.⁴ You think it will be great fun to have a Mouse of your own. Besides, it will give the Mouse a real home and a sense of security.⁵ A Mouse will live with anybody. Some evening you may notice that he isn’t the same Mouse and that another one seems to be streaking across the floor just for the hell of it. A check-up will probably reveal that you now have fourteen Mice, most of them expecting — which was not your original idea at all. Moral: It is practically impossible to have one Mouse.

1 We have plenty of Rats, too.

2 Aristotle states that Mice conceive by licking salt. Some of them do, maybe.

3 In Sanskrit the Mouse was called Mush, from a verb meaning “to steal.” Oh, yes? And how did they come to have such a verb?

4 Most House Mice trained in a laboratory can find their way out of a trick box or maze if you give them enough trials. I could do that myself.

5 Tossing bits of cheese to a Mouse is a mistaken kindness. Cheese is bad for Mice.