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THE KANGAROO

Kangaroos live in Australia. They come to this country sometimes, but you can tell at a glance that they do not belong around here. They carry their young in fur-lined pouches instead of perambulators.¹ We consider them very primitive in their notions of anatomy and they think we look awkward with wheels out in front. It’s all in the point of view.² All Kangaroo babies are named Joey. This would not do for us either. We barely manage to keep things straight as it is, and that would be the last straw. A Joey is only an inch long at birth. He grows up in the pouch for four or five months. Then he is supposed to get out, but sometimes a Joey will stay there even after he has started a vegetable diet outside and is so large that his mother can hardly jump. He thinks he owns the place. Anyway, she knows where he is. He’s in the bag.³ When they are in a hurry Kangaroos progress by leaps and bounds on their hind legs, often covering from ten to twenty feet at a time. If they wish to go slower they hop in a similar way, only not so much so. Someone is always asking why they do this instead of running or walking. They prefer it. The Kangaroo has some good ideas. For instance, he sits on his tail. They can be taught to box, but they have a tendency to use their own rules. A favorite blow is a stiff uppercut to the solar plexus with the left hind foot. They have been known to display quite a sense of humor with their keeper and chance acquaintances. Whenever a Kangaroo puts his paws on your shoulder and gives you a big grin, that is the time to leave. The Kangaroo was discovered in 1770 by Captain James Cook, who was a great one for going to foreign lands and inquiring into the habits and customs of the people.⁴ When Captain Cook asked the natives of Australia the name of the strange creature, they replied “Kan-ga-roo,” and he wrote it down in his notebook. It is possible, of course, that “Kan-garoo” in the aboriginal language meant, “Oh, go away and shut up!”⁵ It turned out all right in the end, because any other name for the Kangaroo would sound just silly.

1 Only the females have pouches.

2 If we wanted pouches, we would have them. Anything’s possible these days.

3 The number of male Kangaroos with an Oedipus complex is surprisingly small, if that was bothering you. I haven’t the statistics right now but I can assure you there is no cause for alarm.

4 The marsupial seen by William Dampier in 1699 was only a Banded Hare Wallaby.

5 A few years later Captain Cook was slain with a blunt instrument while asking questions in the Sandwich Islands.