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THE ARMADILLO

How much do you really know about the Armadillo? I thought so. The Armadillo is a mammal, which seems to surprise some people. Perhaps I should have studied these people instead of the Armadillo. It would be a life work, however, and I haven’t time for it now. The Armadillo wears a coat of armor consisting of bony shields fore and aft, and tough, flexible bands across the middle of his back. This protects him against possible attack from above. While the Armadillo is thinking how safe he is on top, some other mammal flips him upside down and has a nice meal of raw Armadillo. Let that be a lesson.¹ The Three-banded Armadillo of South America is the only kind that rolls himself into a complete ball, with his head, legs and tail inside somewhere. The others can’t do this and you mustn’t expect it. When a Monkey jumps on him in the forest, the ball starts rolling around every which way and the joke is on the Monkey.² The Nine-banded Armadillo of Texas and a few other places is the only one we have in the United States.³ The females always give birth to quadruplets, all of the same sex. They can’t tell the children apart, and why should they? The bony shell of the Nine-banded Armadillo is about fifteen inches long and is made into ornamental baskets for the tourist trade. In Armadillo society all the individuals are born free and equal. Every young Armadillo starts life with exactly the same chance to become a basket. Nine-banded Armadillos are said to make affectionate pets. You can lead them about on a leash, but you’re likely to stop the traffic. People rush from all directions and ask you what you are selling.⁴ The Thirteen-banded Armadillo considers himself a genius, as most Armadillos cannot count above nine. The Pichiciago or Fairy Armadillo of Argentina is only five inches long, with a pink shell and silky white sideburns. Fairy Armadillos are somewhat rare, but they can always be found if you know the right places. They come out at dusk. The Glyptodon, an ancient relative of the Armadillo, reached a length of ten or twelve feet and his armor was an inch thick. He hung around for millions of years, but he never got anywhere and finally became extinct. Nobody wanted any baskets of that size.

1 As they trot around in the grass, rooting for insects and such, Armadillos remind some observers of young Pigs. Oddly enough, young Pigs never remind them of Armadillos.

2 Three-banded Armadillos have muscles which prevent injury to their internal organs while temporarily squeezed or displaced in the ball phase. They think of everything.

3 Nine-banded Armadillos are spreading eastward and northward. Persons who transport Armadillos across rivers are known as Armadillo carriers.

4 The natives of Yucatan believe the Black-headed Vulture in old age turns into an Armadillo. I doubt it.