Читать книгу What Women Want Men To Know - Barbara Angelis De - Страница 25

A few days ago, I sent this chapter to a female friend of mine and asked her if she would read it and give me some feedback. As soon as she was finished, she called me. “Do you know how I felt reading this?” she asked. “I felt normal. It’s not like I haven’t heard some of this information before, or that I didn’t know how important love was to me. But to have it presented in the way you did helped me become more accepting of myself, and less judgmental. The truth is that for years, I’ve beat myself up for doing what I thought was loving too much. It feels so much better to think of my loving heart as a gift, not a weakness.”

I was so gratified to hear my friend’s reaction to this information, for that has been one of my main intentions in writing this chapter, and the others to follow in this section – to help women accept and love themselves more for who they are and the powerful way in which they love.

WHAT WOMEN NEED TO KNOW:

Having a tender, open heart is not a curse, but a blessing. Loving deeply and with devotion is not a mistake, but a gift. Putting love first is not a weakness, but an expression of who you are as a woman.

It is difficult to always remember this when we spend our lives defending how we love to men, and when we are constantly told that something is wrong with us for giving so much of ourselves in a relationship. I’ve struggled with this dilemma myself ever since I can remember, wondering if I wouldn’t somehow be better off if my heart was less open. I remember going to see a psychic once and complaining about how deeply I loved, and how much I felt. She looked at me and said, “Barbara, you worked hard for lifetimes to learn how to love this much. Don’t apologize for it. It’s a reward. You’ve earned it.”

This wise woman’s words shot through me like a bolt of lightning. I knew instinctively that what she was telling me was true. My ability to love so completely was indeed a blessing. Over the years, I’ve had to continually remind myself that putting love first is not a “problem” I have, or an unhealthy habit I need to get rid of – it is the way I am as a woman. When I am putting love first, I am surrendering to my most essential and joyous nature.

I believe that when we as women learn to celebrate our ability to love deeply, and to honor ourselves for our beautiful, abundant hearts, we will make it easier for the men in our lives to do the same.

Perhaps you’re a woman reading this chapter and having a different experience from that of my friend. Perhaps you’re thinking that the information doesn’t completely apply to you, because your heart doesn’t feel as loving as you think it should. Sometimes life’s painful experiences can cause a woman to shut down her heart, to vow never to put love first again.

If you grew up in an emotionally cold family, for instance, you may have made an unconscious decision as a young girl that it wasn’t safe to share your love and open yourself to intimacy. A painful childhood can put a damper on a woman’s inherent tendency to love deeply. The love is there, but you just don’t allow yourself to let it flow.

Sometimes it’s what happens to us as an adult that drives us to turn away from loving. An emotionally damaging relationship with a man can leave a woman feeling wounded and closed off. Often women who’ve been hurt will consciously take their focus off of love, and put it exclusively on work and career, hoping to avoid more pain. Their Love Pie may look more like a traditional male’s, with very little conscious focus on relationships. This “love reversal” is a form of protection. It’s as if we unconsciously decide to become more cold and unfeeling – like the people who’ve hurt us.

Whenever I work with women who have wounded hearts, I discover that deep inside, their longing for intimacy and connection is just as powerful as ever – its the willingness to seek it out that has changed. So perhaps you might say that for these women, their outer Love Pie looks more like a man’s, but their “inner” Love Pie is still more traditionally female.

Perhaps you’ve had times in your life when you’ve been that wounded woman. Perhaps you’re still there and are struggling to break free of those emotional chains and love again. I hope that the information I’ve presented will help you begin to heal your judgments about yourself, to love and accept yourself the way you are, and cherish the gift of your beautiful heart.

If you are a man who has loved or does love a wounded woman, know that what you’ll learn from this book will help you to help her learn to trust her own love again. The more you let her know what a gift her love is to you, the more she will begin to value herself as a woman.

^* I couldn’t resist the last example!