Читать книгу Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know - Barbara Angelis De - Страница 35

As a recovering “rescue-holic,” let me give you some suggestions for healing yourself of this painful pattern.

1. Focus your creative energies on your own life and career first, rather than on your man’s. Make a list of your dreams and goals, and a concrete plan for attaining them. Stick to your own schedule, and beware of getting sidetracked. This means that if you plan to attend a networking meeting that can help you get more clients for your business, but your boyfriend needs help fixing up his apartment, go to your meeting! Know what you want in life before you even get involved in a new relationship, so that your agenda comes first.

2. Make a list: “The things I’m avoiding in my life by rescuing men.” Often you won’t be aware of how many of your own emotions or challenges you are avoiding by rescuing men. Making a list will help focus your attention on these hidden areas.

3. Find a man who wants to take responsibility for fixing himself, so that you don’t have to do the work for him. There’s nothing wrong with supporting the man you love in his personal growth and helping him make the changes he wants to make. When two people really love one another, both of them help bring out the hidden potential in the other. But it’s important that you work as a team – that your man is as committed to working on himself as you are.

I suggest that, in the beginning of a relationship, you ask a man what his personal goals are, and how he plans to achieve them. You might find out that even though you want him to become more emotional or expressive, he has no interest in developing that way. Then you’d know he’s not for you. If he does claim he wants to grow in the same ways you’d like to see him grow, give him some time, love, and support, and evaluate him in a few months. If you haven’t seen progress or change, discuss this with him, and find out why nothing has happened. Remember: Actions speak louder than words.