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Maslow’s Hierarchy of Life Needs

Everything necessary to ascend, find fulfillment and become the person you were meant to be.

SELF-ACTUALIZATION—Wi-Fi.

ESTEEM—Likes, compliments and recognition, respect, the occasional nude.

BELONGINGNESS AND LOVE—Dating apps, social media, friends, family, a companion, your hand (when all else fails).

SAFETY—Freedom from harassment and intimidation (not applicable if you are black in America), money, medicine, seatbelts, airbags, a weapon (if you are delusional).

PHYSIOLOGICAL—Air, water, food, clothing, shelter, sleep, someone to have sex with occasionally, your phone, a place to charge your phone.