Читать книгу How to Not Be a Dick: And Other Truths About Work, Sex, Love - And Everything Else That Matters - Brother - Страница 9
Оглавление100 Universal Truths About Your Life
We’re not gonna lie to you: life is hard. But these truths will set you free.
Everyone is pretending.
Anyone who boasts is overcompensating.
No one is as happy as they appear to be.
Social Media is not real life.
Comparing yourself to others is a waste of time.
If you don’t expect anything, you’ll never be disappointed.
Art and commerce can never coexist.
Kindness is underrated.
Happiness is a social construct, not a goal.
Thriftiness is a virtue; cheapness is an annoyance.
Never stop doing kids’ stuff—that way you’ll never get old.
Always have an alibi.
If you find yourself saying “I’m not a racist,” you’re probably a racist.
If you have to ask “Is this inappropriate?” it’s probably inappropriate.
The answer to the question “How did they afford that?” is always “Their parents paid for it.”
Blackface is never a good idea.
Always say “Thank you.”
Often, it’s just easier to apologize.
Know what battles are worth fighting.
You won’t live forever, but you can create something that might.
Have perspective—there is always someone worse off than you.
Be patient—if you’re good, you’ll get what’s coming to you.
Recognize your privilege.
Sometimes, it’s better to be realistic than optimistic.
Never spend more than 72 hours in Las Vegas.
Only assholes give TED Talks.
Only supreme assholes attend TED Talks.
Always bring a jacket. You will never regret it.
Never do anything without consent.
Always buy the first round.
Never talk business at an after-work event.
Don’t be friends with your boss.
Learn how to cook three different meals.
Learn how to play the guitar. But never play an acoustic guitar at a party.
Learn how the stock market works.
Clean up after yourself.
Make your bed every morning.
Floss. Even though it sucks.
Buy yourself one piece of expensive clothing.
No one likes a sore loser.
No one likes a bad winner, either.
If something sounds too good to be true, it is.
There is no such thing as a quick fix.
Sometimes life is unfair. But things will always get better.
Your parents are just people and, as such, are probably making it up as they go.
If you don’t know the answer—ask someone who does.
Never wear shorts to the office.
Never buy single-ply toilet paper.
Never go to IKEA on a weekend.
Never show up empty-handed.
Never bet on your own team.
Always eat before you drink.
Always avoid the middle urinal.
Always wear a condom.
Always split the check evenly—even if you only had a salad.
Always keep your eye on the ball.
Hawaiian shirts are appropriate for every occasion.
Beards make you sexier.
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
A burger at a bar is always better than a burger at a restaurant.
If a bar has peanut shells on the floor, you’re in the right place.
If a bar hangs Christmas lights, and it’s not Christmas, you’re in the right place.
If two different people tell you you’re drunk, you’re probably too drunk.
Give compliments sparingly—they mean more that way.
Don’t worry about what you’re lifting at the gym—everyone has to start somewhere.
Running one mile is always better than running zero miles.
“Compassionate Conservatism” is an oxymoron.
Everyone sees the world differently, and no one’s viewpoint is entirely correct.
Everything’s better on a boat.
It’s usually white people’s fault.
Do or do not; there is no try.
Be wary of anyone who talks about “building a brand.”
Never start an Instagram account for your dog.
Go outside.
Never pack what you can’t carry yourself.
If you can afford it, buy it. You’ll regret it later if you don’t.
Listen to your critics—there’s a good chance they’re right.
Never underestimate the power of a good complaint.
Refrain from interjecting yourself in any argument involving two or more women.
It’s important to know the difference between “your” and “you’re.”
Avoid anyone who has “Live, Laugh, Love” stenciled on their wall.
You’ll never regret learning how to change the oil on a car.
You’ll never regret learning how to install an operating system on a computer.
You’ll never regret learning how to throw a ball.
You’ll never regret learning how to play piano.
Always carry a pocket knife.
Always save your receipt.
If you’re tired, take a nap.
If you’re hungry, have a snack.
Be nice to animals and the elderly.
Guns are for cowards.
If you have a problem with someone, tell them.
Try not to take yourself too seriously.
Humility is never a bad look.
There is more to learn from failure than success.
Be polite and fair.
Just get on with it.
If you stick your neck out, be prepared to have your head cut off.
Aim high—even if you come up short, you’ll still be in a better place.
Life is a lot easier when you learn to let shit go.
