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Adults: Being up front about behavior and modeling that behavior

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If you remember one rule in this book, please remember this one: Don’t do things online that you would never do in a face-to-face situation.

It’s even more important to remember this rule because you face more variables online when you connect over the Internet. You’ve probably seen examples shown repeatedly on TV news programs where kids and/or pets have barged into a meeting room where someone is attending a meeting and the unintended visitors start distracting people.

Worse, when you communicate online via text, people can’t use your facial expressions and other non-verbal cues your body gives off to get the entire picture of what you are trying to say. Yes, emojis help a bit, but they can’t compensate for being there in person. And, without seeing you in person, people will fill in the gaps the best way they can. You may find yourself being defensive and confused when your intended recipient doesn’t take your message the way you expect.

So, you guessed it, here’s a list of behaviors you should be up front about when you talk with people online.

 Understand the rules and community standards. This is especially important when you’re on social media websites, because they do have a lot of rules that you should know about. If you can’t find those rules, just perform a quick search, such as Facebook rules, to help. If the team responsible for your intranet has no rules or standards set up for communicating properly, ask them to put rules and standards on their site. You may have to formally approach your boss and put together a presentation to get it done, but it’s worth the effort to prevent miscommunication that wastes everyone’s time.

 Respect others. If you wouldn’t say something in person or in a face-to-face Zoom meeting, don’t say it in a text message, either. If you disrespect people in your brain and you don’t think it’s a problem, that information will get out. People will react. That's when you’ll find out that you have a problem.

 Be neutral. When you’re not sure about how someone will interpret information, keep what you’re saying as close to the facts as possible. Don’t inject your opinions into your argument, because someone might interpret it in any way they want.

 Understand when humor is warranted. Don’t use humor and sarcasm unless you know your audience well. If you’re sending an email message to your team and you all know each other’s communication styles, you can be freer to be yourself — but not always. For example, don’t be disrespectful to anyone, even if you’re on familiar terms with them. When you send messages to people you’re not familiar with, are you sure they’ll understand you?

 Don’t use all caps when you talk. You shouldn’t yell at someone in person, and you shouldn’t yell at someone online by using ALL CAPS.

 Don’t use multiple exclamation points. You can use an exclamation point sparingly when you need to make a forceful point, but don’t use multiple exclamation points. You’re in an online communication medium, not a comic strip.

 Keep personal information to a low ebb. If you give out personal information, make sure it’s related to the point you want to make. Otherwise, you don’t have to volunteer anything if you don’t want to — and keep in mind that, if you do share personal information, some people may try to use it against you if they feel you threaten them.

 Report violations. When you see a problem arise, report it. This is especially true of posts you see on social media, but it’s also true if you see private info that might badly affect others. For example, if a peer at work disrespects one or more groups of people, that will likely harm the company, so you should talk about it with your boss and/or human resources rep.

It takes constant practice to not only behave the right way but also think the right way. If you don’t practice (or you fall out of practice), whatever you’re thinking about will spill out without your questioning it because it seems so natural. And then you’re the proverbial frog in a pot full of warming water. (You know, the frog that eventually gets boiled alive because the heat keeps increasing — that frog.) So, practice at every opportunity. And one day you may find yourself giddy that you slayed some inner demons at the same time.

Digital Etiquette For Dummies

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