Читать книгу The Sedona Method: Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well-being - Hale Dwoskin - Страница 40

Many people stumble into common pitfalls when they embark on the path of personal development, no matter what road they take. Here are some tips on avoiding them.

• “I suffer, therefore I am.” Strange as it may seem, this statement reflects the way that most of us live our lives. We identify with our problems, believing that we are the one having them. It is almost as though we feel that we justify our existence by having obstacles to overcome, problems to fix, and how much suffering we can bear. We also identify with our self-created suffering. We become so versed in being the person with a particular problem that we’re often afraid we won’t know who we are without it. When we take a moment to reflect on “our” problems, we may even discover that we’ve grown so attached to these patterns of thought and behavior that it’s hard to imagine ourselves without them. Rather than being open to the uncertainty that comes from letting go, we are clinging to the artificial sense of security that comes from knowing what to expect, even if that expectation is not beneficial.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Think of a problem that you believe belongs to you, and ask yourself: “Would I rather have the false sense of security that comes from knowing all about this problem, or would I rather be free?” If you’d rather be free, you’ll spontaneously let go of your attachment to the problem, and you’ll begin discovering natural solutions to it, as opposed to justifying having, or being stuck with, the problem.

• “But what will I talk about?” Most of us base a significant amount of our interpersonal communications on seeking sympathy for our problems or commiserating with others about theirs. Often we become such experts at describing our problems to others that we do not want to give up our expertise. It is not that sharing our problems is detrimental. In fact, the freedom to share what’s bothering you with others is often the first step in letting go and moving on. Also, being able to be there for our friends and partners when they are in emotional need is a sign of being a good friend. Where we get stuck is in continually sharing the same problem repeatedly, with no relief.

If you find yourself telling the same story more than once, check to see if you are seeking agreement or approval for the problem. If you are, ask yourself:

— Could I let go of wanting others to agree with me about my having this problem?

— Could I let go of wanting approval for this problem?

• “It’s mine, that’s why.” Pride is a shifty emotion. For we don’t only feel proud of our accomplishments, we also get really hooked into being subtly proud of our problems. We feel so special for having them. This pitfall on the path to freedom may take the form of feeling proud of having prevailed even with the problem, proud of having borne it for so long, or proud of having a problem that is unique to us alone.

Keep an eye open for pride. Look at your problems as you release on them, and check to see if you feel that they make you “special.” If you find any pride and you can honestly admit it and let it go, then you’ll find yourself free to let go of the problem, too.

• It is not wise to ask, “Why?” Wanting to understand or figure out why, or from where, problems arise can also be a major obstacle to letting them go. For we have to hold on to our problems in order to figure them out. Interestingly, if there is something that’s important for you to understand, letting go of wanting to understand often brings the understanding that you’ve been seeking with a lot less effort. Ask yourself a question: Would I rather understand my problems or just be free of them? If you would rather be free, I highly recommend letting go of wanting to figure them out.

“Coming from a background of poverty and excessive physical discipline, I’ve been working on myself for umpteen years. But a number of issues have persisted, despite my efforts to shift them. Having completed the Course, I’m relieved of much of my old anger, and I am better able to deal with the deep-rooted fears that come up. I’m not sure I recognize me, but I’m prepared to be surprised. The Method easily comes to mind when faced with daily challenges, so I have gained some highly effective tools and a calmer, happier way of living.”

—Yvonne Wigman, Kingston, Australia

The reason this is so important is that, in order to figure out a problem, we must leave the present moment, which is the only place we can truly solve anything. In addition, we only truly need to understand a problem if we are planning to have it occur again or are planning in some way to maintain it.

Years ago, during a Sedona Method course that I was teaching, I suggested to my class that if they let go of wanting to figure out their problems, the answers would come. There was one man in particular who had a hard time embracing the concept. He was an electrical engineer, and he “knew” beyond any shadow of a doubt that he needed to want to figure things out in his profession or he would not be able to do his job. I didn’t fight with him about his point of view; I merely suggested that he remain open at least to the possibility that letting go of wanting to figure it out might be of service to him.

In between the two weekends of the course, the engineer had an experience that totally changed his perception. He was working to create a sample circuit and needed a particular part to complete it. But when he went to find it in the parts room—a room consisting of rows upon rows of bins stacked on floor-to-ceiling shelves and filled with small electronics parts that were sorted according to their specifications—the bin where the part was supposed to be was empty. He thought, I am sure that this letting go of wanting to figure out stuff can’t possibly work with this kind of problem, but I’m going to give it a try anyhow. So, he just stood there for a few minutes and let go of wanting to figure out where the part might be. Then he found himself walking around the corner to a new row of bins, where he reached into one that was labeled for something else, and, lo and behold, there was the part he was seeking. He was dumbfounded because he had just done this on a lark, certain it wouldn’t work—and it did anyway!

I highly encourage you to be open to the possibility that you can get the answers you crave in your life through this process of letting go of wanting to figure it out. Like the electrical engineer, you may be surprised!

• Stop rushing past life. Begin to approach your life as though you have all the time in the world. We live in an incredibly fast-paced world where we’re constantly forcing ourselves to move more rapidly in order just to keep up. In our rush to attain our goals, even in the realm of self-improvement, we often rush past the very moment that offers the greatest opportunity for self-discovery and self-recognition—now.