Читать книгу Theory of emotional relativity. Practical guide to the development of awareness and emotional intelligence - Inna Zakharova - Страница 12

What values are the most significant, when we speak about respect and self-respect?

Values from the need for respect:

• Power. Self-esteem is directly related to self-respect. “I could. I managed, although it was hard, but others could not do it at all.” If we can say this, it allows us to be proud of ourselves, to respect ourselves and those others whom we can think about in this way.

• Autonomy. Autonomy is a criterion of strength, because if you can cope without outside help, you are strong enough. Autonomy and independence also allow you to feel clearly your boundaries, this is necessary for self-respect.

• Power. Power is also a criterion of strength. “I am so strong that I can influence the situation of other people. Everything happens according to my will.”

• Struggle. Despite the fact that we all try to avoid it, the struggle is a circumstance in which we can show our strength and, therefore, satisfy the need for respect. Struggle is a proof that the strong can fight and defeat circumstances and other people.

• Achievements. Achievements are victories that we record on our own account. “I am strong, my achievements are a real demonstration.”

• Professionalism. Professionalism is a tool for achievement. “I am a professional in my field. Significantly, my opinion is authoritative, they will listen to it and respect me.”

• Responsibility. Responsibility determines the degree of influence. “If the influence on the situation is in my hands, then I’m the main one. I will decide what, how and when to do, while I am ready to be responsible for any consequences.”

Strategies of getting values:

• Seize the power. To feel his worth and respect for himself, a person directs all his resources to ensure that one of his species says that he is a big person and that he needs to be obeyed. A loud, assertive voice, a heavy look and wisecracks help him to get respect. “I’m the boss, and just try to argue with that.” Here the value of the highest order will be power, authority and struggle. In relationships, other people feel aggression, often perceive a person as a tyrant.

• Depreciate a need. To feel his worth and respect for himself, a person depreciates his importance as much as possible himself: “This is garbage, I do not need any respect. Well, they take my things, well, OK. They didn’t listen to my opinion, well, they just didn’t hear it. This is unimportant for me. My opinion is not important.” Your opinion is depreciated on your own in order not to worry painfully when someone else does it. Such a person often chooses a lifestyle in which communication with people is minimal, life is organized away from others so that no one can insult, offend or devalue. This is a strategy of escaping from oneself, from one’s needs. Here, the highest order values are autonomy, non-interference.

• Earn respect. To feel his worth and respect for himself, a person strives to be a perfectionist, to be a super-professional in some narrow field. So that no one would even have the thought that such a person cannot be respected. “I will be irreproachable and people will be forced to respect me”. By definition, it is impossible not to respect him, because he only does what works. He works more than others, everything is fine, if you turn to such a person, he will always do everything clearly and on time. Everyone respects such a pronounced professionalism, even those who do not like him: “I do not like this person, I will not communicate with him. But he is worth respecting him.” For a person with such a strategy of behavior, the highest values are professionalism, principles, rules, discipline.