Читать книгу Theory of emotional relativity. Practical guide to the development of awareness and emotional intelligence - Inna Zakharova - Страница 3

A need is a state of a living being, expressing a dependence on what constitutes the conditions of its existence. A. Maslow in his pyramid described these needs. They can be divided into three varieties: physiological needs, psychological needs, spiritual needs.

Every person has his leading psychological need. The need can be considered as a basic one if it is satisfied by the following conditions:

• if needs are totally unsatisfied, it leads to a disease

• if needs are satisfied, it cures a disease

• In conditions of free choice, a person prefers to satisfy this particular need

As for physiological needs, everything is clear and obvious. If you don’t satisfy such needs as eating, sleeping, breathing and drinking – our body begins hurting and at the end died. Even an unsatisfied need in sexual relationships leads to race suicide. Our instincts, innate behavioral patterns, control satisfying these needs. The goal of instincts is to automatize all processes which help our organism to survive.

As for psychological needs, everything is not so clear. Emotions are instincts of a higher order. Their aim is to emphasize the importance of certain conditions for fulfilling actual needs.

Since ancient times, almost all living creatures cared for unity to deal with external threats, because where alone cannot cope with – together will be able to: “One man, no man.”

So there is an important need of man – to belong, to be part of something larger, and at the same time, a very strong fear of exclusion appears, which could mean certain death.

A group of people, united by one common goal is a system and the borders of this system define certain rules, which all group members must follow them. Following the hierarchy and following the rules means recognizing and respecting the whole system. Violation of the rules is followed by punishment, the most serious one is liquidation or exclusion. Duties and rights are determined by the hierarchy, which is also an important component of the system, primarily the tribal system, and all other systems are built on its principle.

It turns out that the opportunity to belong to a group carries new dangers: how to survive within a group, how to become an important part of it, to get better conditions for existence within a group, to take its place in the hierarchy (it’s good when you have a higher position: you have more rights and better conditions, but there are more responsibilities).

Studying emotional intelligence, we cannot consider a person as a separate unit. Man is a social being, and emotions are a connection with everyone around us. Emotions are always relationships, if there are emotions, it means there are relationships. There are always emotions, so we are always in a relationship. Even if a person is moved to a complete vacuum, he will have relationships and will experience emotions, primarily towards himself.

Relations with oneself are also systemic in nature, each “I” consists of “mother + father.” Self-attitude is formed on the basis of each parent’s self-relationship + partnerships + parent-child relationship up to the 7^th generation in geometric progression.

As a result, the fate of 254 people of our family can influence us, we can add to them people who seriously affected the system (aggressors, victims, philanthropists of large sums, etc.), because they also became a part of the system. It does not matter when such events happened, if at that moment the incident was not accepted, the emotional tension is maintained and transmitted on an emotional level from generation to generation.

Feelings are emotions of a higher order. Their goal is to emphasize phenomena which have stable motivating importance. For example, if your ancestors were starving, you will keep to diets or be anxious about an empty refrigerator. If there were abandoned children in the system, you will have a desire to help orphanages, pick up homeless animals, think of adopting children, or you do not want to have children at all. Usually people don’t even realize the reason for this behavior: “I just don’t like children” and this may be a systemic feeling of guilt or even belonging. In order to fit into the system, we can do not only good and gracious things, but also things that other people condemn. For example, a teenager smokes to be a part of the company of smoking friends. So a girl can easily have an abortion if her mother and grandmother did it, and will not grieve, since this has already been a systemic rule, the women in this family do in this way, and she is one of them. And it doesn’t matter that the grandmother had an abortion in order to survive, the mother, in order to feed the elders, the granddaughter can do this simply because “25 years is not the time to give birth, I need to build a career.” There are no simple cause-and-effect relationships; the logic in family systems is circular.

To realize the importance of the emotional component of our life and the influence of our emotions not only our lives, but also on our descendants, we should consider emotions from a systemic point of view. In subsequent chapters, we will consider systemic laws and feelings that monitor their implementation. So, what are psychological needs and what applies to them:

Safety is lack of anxiety about the future, balance of stability/change, adequate resources for survival, support, internal leadership, faith.

Love is acceptance, attention, communication, unity, belonging.

Respect is the protection and expansion of the boundaries of influence, significance, independence, autonomy, rules, order.

It turns out that psychological satisfaction is having your place in a larger-scale system where you are supported and respected the boundaries of your spheres of influence, which are constantly expanding with maturation. This is happiness.

A man needs to be loved, understood, recognized, respected and be close to someone; he also needs to be successful in business, studies and work; has an opportunity to fulfill his potential, develop his abilities, improve himself, respect himself. The general law here is simple: “A positive attitude towards oneself and satisfied needs are the basis of psychological health.”

What is important to remember:

1. Satisfying basic needs is a condition of survival.

2. It is distinguished between physical, psychological and spiritual needs.

3. Instincts, emotions, feelings arose in the process of evolution to automate the satisfaction of needs, that is, the conditions of survival.

4. Feelings in the present moment are a connection to the past and an attitude towards the future.