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The information above is more about the formation of actual needs. Values, in fact, are people, objects and objects in the outside world that can somehow satisfy our need.

Values were formed in the process of choosing strategies with which we learned to satisfy our needs. Parents offered us some strategies in the process of upbringing, others we developed on our own in order to cope with life.

A habitual strategy or pattern is a usual, constantly repeating way of thinking, acting and handling emotions. It means that in thinking, emotional response and behavior there are repeating patterns, we are doing the same things over and over again, despite the fact that situations can change. For example, if I’m used to suppressing my emotions, this is my strategy for using emotions. They “stepped on my foot”, and I think: “Well, that’s okay.” On the subconscious, with the help of such a strategy, the need for security is satisfied – “I will tolerate, and I will not cause a conflict or scandal.”

All our strategies (and therefore values) appear for a reason, they are developed as a result of the fact that you got what you needed by behaving in a specific way at some moment of your life. You needed security, behaved “as quiet as a lamb” and nothing bad happened – it means success! This is how a successful strategy for satisfying security needs is formed. And if your parents, grandparents used this strategy, then your attempts to act differently in order to satisfy the need for security will subconsciously mean the fear of death. When you go beyond such a behavior, you will feel such discomfort that you will always want to go back, do it the way your parents did.

It is very difficult to overstep an established strategy of behavior, for this you need a high level of awareness and will.

For example, you want to realize yourself in a professional activity, and at business meetings you sit quietly and are afraid to express your opinion, promote an idea. By such behavior, such a strategy, you hardly take a leadership position. And if you have far-reaching plans and they include leadership activities, then you will have to raise your hand and say, “I want to express my opinion on such an issue.” In order to start declaring, you will have to give up security for some time. At first, your voice will be shy and diffident (thus, fear affects the ability to speak), but the more you force yourself to take this step with your willpower, the more likely that a new strategy will take root. You declared yourself once, you already have one fact that nothing bad happened, the more such confirmations will be, the greater the chances will be.

Asserting yourself, expressing your opinion is unsafe. This is just about what was discussed above – you need to give up a little security for a while in order to get more. When you asserted yourself and received the support of a leader, you get a large portion of security. When you repeat this 5-10-20 times, they will tell you: “You are good at your work, you have leadership abilities and you are an initiative person.” A leadership position implies an increasing level of responsibility, which, again, is unsafe, but at the same time, you get more resources for this responsibility, therefore, there is more security.

In this example:

• Need – Security

• Value – peace of mind

• The strategy is to sit and not to push yourself forward

• The way out of the situation is through the need for respect:

a. goal setting

b. development of a new model of behavior

c. repetition of actions from a new model of behavior

• New value – professionalism

• Strategies for getting it – assert yourself

The goal setting in our example is to assert oneself, to become more significant. When we consciously set such a goal, automatically the values of the need for respect take higher priority. Then you need to be strong, your voice should become louder, you should speak bluntly (the strategy of smoothing corners is not about respect, but about security), you should have your opinion, your vision, you must have goals. All of the mentioned values are about respect. When you draw up such a plan of action for yourself, the values come out of the need for respect, and as a result, your need for security is satisfied to a greater extent, instead of little security you will get much security.