Читать книгу The Truth about Relationships - Stefan Blom - Страница 13

Being upset and having something to say doesn’t mean that now is the right time or place to say it. Feeling like talking doesn’t mean that the conversation should take place at that moment, because 50 percent of the success of your conversation is in choosing the best time and place for talking.

It is never a good time to have a conversation if you are:

•intoxicated (after two or more drinks, or if you have taken drugs);

•exhausted;

•time pressured or in a hurry;

•hungry;

•hormonal;

•too upset or angry to keep your emotions contained;

•stressed;

•distracted; or …

•simply not in the mood.

The worst places to have a conversation are:

•in your car (you don’t have the option of leaving the conversation);

•in front of your children;

•in front of friends or family;

•in public;

•in bed or in your bedroom;

•when the television is on; or …

•when you are busy on your phone, laptop or tablet.

At times like these, you should learn to calm down, gather your thoughts and decide when you both think might be a good time to talk. In fact, when you are simply not in the mood for talking, you should not talk.

So, you might be wondering: when is a good time to speak? Most couples I meet live very busy, full and stressful lives. The secret is to book a time in your busy schedules for talking and create a safe space for doing so. In this way, you honour your love and respect your relationship by giving it the time and importance it deserves. This is what it means to prioritise your relationship: to give your relationship a moment in time, a moment in your busy lives, in which it gets your respectful attention above all else in your life.

Choose the time and place carefully, as these can make or break the conversation. This skill of choosing a time and place for talking can spare your relationship many unpleasant and damaging conversations.

Questions to ask about your relationship

•What is the worst time for you to have a conversation, and why?

•What is the worst place for you to have a conversation, and why?

•When would the best time be for you to have a conversation?

•What is your favourite place for talking?

AN EXERCISE FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP

If you are always busy, tired and time pressured, and feel that you never have time for your relationship, you will need to book times for important conversations in advance. Ask:

•When can we make time to talk about things in our relationship?

•When will the best time be for us to talk?

•Then, make a date.