Читать книгу The Truth about Relationships - Stefan Blom - Страница 18

speak your truth (honestly and gently)

Speaking your truths – that is, sharing your thoughts and feelings – is one of the best gifts that you can give your relationship.

A real conversation is a process in which two people share their thoughts and feelings honestly and gently and start feeling closer to each other. The best conversation you can have will move you from disconnection to connection, from tension to closeness.

One of the best ways of feeling a warm closeness is to speak from your mind and from your heart. That feeling of distance and disconnection is about all the things you do not say and this causes the tension in your relationship. Disconnection caused by not sharing honestly feels like tension in any relationship. The tension caused by disconnection is life’s constant reminder to become honest. The quickest way to relieve yourselves of this unpleasant tension and distance is to share your truths. That feeling of disconnection is your invitation to share what is on your mind.

What you do not say to yourself and the people around you causes the distance and disconnection you feel.

All your thoughts and feelings that matter to you and that you are not expressing cause the tension and distance you feel in your relationship. Your unspoken words sit between the two of you like a rock on a narrow road. You cannot see each other, because there is so much in the way. When you start speaking about that rock, you start clearing your path to connection and closeness.

When you speak your truth, you free yourself of that heavy burden of having kept your emotions and thoughts to yourself for so long. It changes the experience of your relationship. As we are made for honest connection, we have an obligation to share what is on our minds and in our hearts. Even if hearing the truth is painful, at times, honesty has a powerful liberating effect. With the pain or hurt of truth comes relief, and movement towards a stronger connection. Real relationships are always honest relationships.

One of the main aims of any relationship is to speak your mind – to share your truths gently. Happy couples share their minds and hearts gently and honestly, and very regularly.

The best way to speak your mind is with honesty, kindness and gentleness.

Speaking the truth about yourself, your relationships and your life is not easy, yet we have no choice but to share our minds and hearts. The moment you have the courage to speak from your heart, you start moving from disconnection to connection.

It is not supposed to be easy: it is supposed to be honest.

You do not have to like what you hear. The conversation just needs to be honest, patient and very real. It is not easy to hear that you have upset or hurt or angered or disappointed your partner. Who likes to hear that? Honesty can bring you closer, but can also upset your relationship. But the upset that comes with honesty is never a problem, as it is part of the process of getting closer to each other. You need to expect, and learn to deal with, the upsets that come with honesty. This is one of the most important skills in any relationship: being honest, and dealing with the consequences of being honest.