Читать книгу The Truth about Relationships - Stefan Blom - Страница 9

Staying connected to yourself and your relationship means knowing where you and your partner are emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, financially and sexually most of the time. If you lead a busy life, it is, of course, not always possible to know this exactly. Couples and individuals who do not check in with themselves on a regular basis will find themselves disconnected and in trouble over time.

Knowing where you are with each other means staying connected.

At times of disconnection, it seems more important to know where you are than to know who you are. In a way, we know who we are, but we don’t seem to know where we are in our lives.

Do you know what you are thinking and feeling at this point in your life? Do you know what you need for yourself and your relationships? Do you know what matters to you … what is really important to you in life?

Do you know where you partner is nowadays? Do you know what is on your partner’s mind and in his or her heart? Do you know how he or she is really doing, and what he or she needs?

If you don’t know, you might be in trouble.

It is good to know where we are in life. When you can see where you are, and where you partner is, you feel seen and acknowledged. And being seen feels like love. You are connected to yourself and your relationship when you can truly see where you are, or where your partner is. When we feel seen, we feel loved.

To see and be seen is to love and be loved.

To see more of yourself, your relationship and each other, work through some of the following questions to get a sense of where you are.

Questions to ask yourself

The following questions might guide you in thinking about yourself:

•What do I need in life?

•Where am I emotionally, physically, financially, sexually or spiritually?

•Which part do I play in the ‘upsets’ in my relationship? How do I think I have contributed to the upsets in my relationship?

•What do I think I could have done differently that could have helped and improved my relationship?

•What are some of my best contributions and what am I proud of when it comes to my relationship/s?

•What am I trying to do to contribute to the well-being of my relationship?

•Why do I think I behave in my relationship as I do?

•What are my true intentions when it comes to my relationship?

•What am I hearing and what am I struggling to understand?

•What am I trying to say?

Questions to ask about your relationship

The following questions might guide you in thinking about your relationship:

•What is it like to be in our relationship nowadays?

•Which experiences of our relationship do I/we dislike?

•Which experiences of our relationship do I prefer? How would I/we like our relationship to be?

•What am I/are we contributing to the life of our relationship?

•How can I/we improve the experience of being in our relationship?

Questions to ask about your partner

The following questions might guide you in thinking about your partner:

•What do I see when I look at my partner’s behaviour?

•What is my partner really feeling and thinking?

•What is my partner really trying to say to me?

•Why is he or she thinking and feeling like this?

When you reflect on your life, it is good to make mental or physical notes. While you have thoughts about yourself and your relationship, consider writing them down on your phone or laptop, or in a journal. Making notes of thoughts and feelings is, for most people, a good tool for observing their lives. In this way you don’t have to hold your thoughts in your memory, and will have clear ideas of where you are.