Читать книгу How to Deal With Difficult People - Ursula Markham, Ursula Markham - Страница 28

An assertive person is someone who is concerned for himself and his own rights as well as those of other people. He wants to meet others on an equal footing rather than score points over them.

The assertive person is usually the only one of the three types who ends up achieving the goals he has set himself. The aggressor may believe that he wins in the short term but, because he creates such bad feeling around him, there is no loyalty on which he can depend. The submissive person often does not set himself any goals in the first place, believing that he would never be able to reach them.

Respect for other people and the realization that they too have needs and rights distinguishes the assertive person from these others. His aim is for everyone to win and for this reason he is willing to negotiate and compromise in a positive way. When he makes a promise he always keeps it and so those around him develop trust in him. Because he is in touch with his own feelings, he is able to explain how he feels to others – even when his feelings are negative because of something they have done or said – and can do so in such a way that these others will feel no resentment.

Inwardly the assertive person feels at peace with himself and therefore with those around him. Each new challenge is faced in a positive rather than a negative way and, because of his inner confidence and the fact that he is aware of his own limitations, he is prepared to take a certain number of risks when it comes to new ventures and ideas. Sometimes things may not work out as he had hoped, but someone who is assertive realizes that it is permissible to be wrong occasionally and that it is possible to learn from one’s mistakes. Assertiveness means that he does not have to steal anyone else’s ideas or stab others in the back. When things go well he is able to acknowledge his success and be proud of – as opposed to conceited about – what he has achieved.

Outwardly the assertive person is a joy to be associated with. His enthusiasm can be catching and will often inspire others to become more positive in their outlook. Because he is not manipulative and does not go behind other people’s backs, those around him learn to believe in and co-operate with him. His sense of inner serenity reduces the amount of stress he feels and he is therefore more able to direct his energy into achieving whatever goals he has set himself. And, because he rarely suffers from extreme mood swings, his behaviour towards others is consistent and the lines of communication are kept open.

Obviously, from the description above, an assertive person feels good about himself most of the time. Because of this he makes other people feel good, too. They develop a sense of security and trust because regular communication and feedback lets them know what is expected of them and where they stand. Tactical ‘game-playing’ or attempts to score over one another are reduced to a minimum and therefore everyone concerned is able to turn their energies towards achieving a communal goal rather than indulging in petty power struggles.

Respect is an integral part of the assertive person’s attitude – respect for himself and for other people. And this respect is usually reflected around him, encouraging his colleagues to-co-operate as fully as possible. Any success, great or small, is commented upon and complimented and this, too, encourages everyone to try even harder to perform well, whatever the task.

Verbal and body language by which you can recognize the assertive person include the following: