Читать книгу Fragile People: a Hidden Door into the World of Narcissists - Юлия Пирумова - Страница 10

Therefore, to be a narcissist is to constantly contempt or even despise one's real self as compared to the ideal image, which is so hard to attain. To suffer from humiliation and the feeling of being inferior, to be afraid of being rejected or unmasked. To run in circles, with a growing number of demands to oneself, while satisfaction and peace are waning…

Narcissists display a variety of ways of abusive self-treatment. We can say that it is the very reason why their self, which is far from stable, is being diminished, while they are running in narcissistic circles of “I must be the best; otherwise I'm a loser”.

We berate our virtues and human qualities; our achievements and the existing results.

We devalue all that we have inside that we could rely on.

We berate our creative energy, destroying with perfectionism all the impulses that hardly ever come out.

We berate certain parts of ourselves, for instance, a dependent, a loving, a gentle, a relaxed, a needy one, etc.

We scold ourselves for still needing someone and wanting to depend on people, although we should have long forgotten about that.

We condemn our future and our aspirations, all the time blocking the way forward…

Instead of normal actions, we carry on demanding from ourselves to live up to unattainable ideals.

Instead of acknowledging our own merits, we habitually look in the direction where we do not measure up to perfect performance.

Instead of living our lives, we are stuck in timelessness. While we are waiting for the ideal life, we are not living our real everyday life.

At the same time, we “understand everything”, since we are gifted with rare rationality and intellect.

But we cannot change anything about these ways of dealing with ourselves.

First of all, since we cannot act any other way rather than attacking and imperiously demanding something from ourselves. And secondly, if we stop doing it to ourselves, our dream of living up to the ideal self will collapse. And we will be overwhelmed with horror of staying inferior forever…