Читать книгу Fragile People: a Hidden Door into the World of Narcissists - Юлия Пирумова - Страница 6

Inside every person's psyche, there is a part responsible for self-respect and self-perception. As a special repository, it keeps everything that constitutes our self-esteem and helps to maintain it. That is narcissism, which is essential to all of us. Thanks to it, we have a stable self-concept and an understanding of who we are.

But before we actually start to understand anything about ourselves and evaluate our own personality, we need to accumulate enough initial narcissism, which is presented to us by our close ones. We will carry these savings with us as we go through life, gaining more and more information about ourselves. These narcissistic savings accumulate throughout life, enhancing our knowledge of ourselves. It becomes fuller, more diverse, and includes not only our abilities and talents but also our limitations. All that provides us with an opportunity to maintain a realistic view on ourselves and develop healthy self-esteem.

Healthy self-esteem functions the way a piggy bank works: parents invest in us the loving looks, positive reflection, support of our hobbies and talents, recognition of our abilities and pride in our achievements. As they are collected, our “self” becomes more stable and gets healthier. We obtain knowledge about ourselves, our place in this world and relationships with others, our abilities and talents. We develop self-awareness and start relationships with people based on our desires and needs. We can forgive ourselves for the mistakes made and learn lessons from any experience. Thanks to all that, our life potential is growing, and we are enriching ourselves.

However, there is also a reverse side of the coin: the fewer investments we have received, the less healthy narcissism we have gained. Instead of savings, we might have plain deficiency for all what is left of our childhood. All narcissistic disorders are shaped exactly in this area of emptiness and deficiency: it is not limited to not feeling loved or valued. Such people sometimes do not sense themselves at all without constant confirmation of their own value and significance.

Narcissism is not just an area where self-esteem appears, is being maintained and adjusted. It is also an essential psychological need of every person. Thus, it is natural to:

• want attention and positive feedback;

• want to be recognized and respected;

• want a realistic reflection from other people;

• be good for others;

• have merits, success and be proud of them;

• be aware of your talents, abilities, and limitations;

• set short-term and long-term goals for yourself and make plans;

• consider how valuable you are for the others;

• see the value of other people to you;

• continuously increase self-awareness, the understanding of your needs and abilities;

• present your talents and skills to the world;

• enjoy what you have inside and share it with the others.

All of these are natural and normal needs of every person! And as a whole, they are features of healthy narcissism, the inexhaustible source of self-respect and continuous confirmation of self-worth.

However, I am sure you would agree that not all of us are lucky to have such narcissism. On the contrary: almost everyone today is having difficulty fulfilling these needs, some to a greater extent, some – to a lesser. Let us explore various manifestations of narcissism.