Читать книгу Fragile People: a Hidden Door into the World of Narcissists - Юлия Пирумова - Страница 9
Introduction
Narcissistic people
ОглавлениеSo, what does it mean to be a modern narcissist?
A famous psychoanalyst Nancy McWilliams[3] believes that “the term 'narcissistic' refers to people whose personalities are organized around maintaining their self-esteem by getting affirmation from outside themselves… In some of us concerns with 'narcissistic supplies,' or supports to self-esteem, eclipse other issues to such an extent that we may be considered excessively self-preoccupied. Terms like 'narcissistic personality' and 'pathological narcissism' apply to the disproportionate degree of self-concern, not to ordinary responsiveness to approval and sensitivity to criticism.”
It means to feel overwhelmingly inferior and inappropriate in everything you do.
It means to drown in constant anxiety about tremendous opportunities around you – and all passing by. Thinking that everyone is able to grow, go up, climb, and only you have nothing but are supposed to have everything, since you are “special”.
It means to be under the illusion that you are able to achieve everything you have ever wanted. In such a way that the results would be unique and magnificent.
It means to constantly compare yourself with the others and always punish yourself for “losing”.
It means to be filled with dismay and boredom all the time.
That is how we go into our own personal “paralysis”: we must be magnificent, but we cannot start doing anything (we are afraid, ashamed, and “what's the point if all is doom and gloom?”), thus, becoming inferior again and again. In brief, instead of endless narcissistic orgasm – sheer impotence…
Narcissists demand grandiosity and fulfillment of the ideal image from themselves due to one very simple reason. They are not aware of any other ways of not feeling inferior. Our mind creates an illusion that it is the only way to escape the unbearable suspicion about how inferior we actually are. But here lies a trap, since it is exactly the way we open the gates of hatred to ourselves. Therefore, our “fragility” is only enhanced. So, how do we actually do it?
3
Nancy McWilliams is an American psychoanalyst, teaching psychoanalysis theory and psychotherapy at the Graduate School of Applied and Professional Psychology at Rutgers University, has a PhD in personality psychology. Ex-president of the Division of Psychoanalysis of the American Psychological Association.
