Читать книгу Fragile People: a Hidden Door into the World of Narcissists - Юлия Пирумова - Страница 3

“'I'm God!' – cries Kanye West into the camera. 'You're asking me who I am? I already told you, I'm God!' Kanye West is a god of a new breed. He is the most influential rapper of the decade. Wildly popular and fabulously rich. He is married to a phenomenally popular and incredibly rich woman. People line up to get his trainers just like for a holy communion. He is a god, he's got enough media outlets to be one. Basically, that's all he needs”.[1]

In the era of gods' self-proclamation, we are forced to make ourselves worthy every day, thus, somewhat preserving our self-esteem as compared to the “successful success”. Fragile as it is, it is now checked for strength by another story of a “god” having dropped in from the sky, who managed to get it all, immediately and faultlessly. It is presented not as an exception but an ordinary and natural way: going up and never down. To become not just successful but inimitably fortunate. One of a kind. Not like anybody else. Unique…

“All” or “nothing”.

“Perfect” or “nobody”.

“The nonpareil” or “a loser”.

That is our reality, which we crash against in the attempts to assert ourselves and be somebody. We want to be perfect and invulnerable. But that makes us dependent, drained and unhappy. And very lonely…

Deep inside we want to be accepted by people. To have good relationships. We want to love and be loved. But on the way to it we are sapped by a slow-acting force – seeing ourselves as unworthy of it all. Since we are not at the top of the social success pyramid, which all social networks are full of, we feel worthless and having achieved absolutely nothing. This is a narcissistic trap set for us by the time.

We want to buy this costly ticket to enter the so much desired world of normal people, where we will be seen, valued and accepted. But time after time, we put up a velvet rope for ourselves. We have to run a hundred times faster just to stay at the same point. We are worn-out by the attempts to assert ourselves but feel that we are simply marking time. And then again devalue our way and effort. And by doing so we slide down to the very base of our personal mountain of self-esteem and self-respect, which we were hopelessly trying to climb all the time.

We are ordinary people. And often, we are not narcissists at all. But almost all of us are scared of what will happen if everyone finds out that we are not anything special. Since it seems to us that our own achievements are insufficient to legitimately consider ourselves normal. As if we are pretending to be normal. Professional, knowledgeable, able to love. At the same time being full of doubt: “Is it really so? Or will someone come tomorrow and unmask me?”

Sometimes, nothing helps us feel confident. Neither certificates, nor MBA, nor money or even recognition from our family, friends or colleagues. Our inner customs officer either does not let it all in, devaluing upon entry, or allows to enjoy it for five minutes and then throws it away beyond the limits of our psyche. So, again we have to get involved in spurious fights for our own self-esteem. Modern narcissism is widespread not as a pathology but as a background level of anxiety about one's own value.