Читать книгу Fragile People: a Hidden Door into the World of Narcissists - Юлия Пирумова - Страница 7

Imagine a horizontal scale with divisions, numbered -100 to +100. The far-right point will indicate the abovementioned healthy narcissism as a state of narcissistic norm and integrity. I assume that such people exist. That they really have no problems with their self-esteem, self-respect, and self-perception. Stressing the word “really”. Since there is abundance of those who compensate for inferiority claiming that “they're fine” in a purely external manner. Healthy narcissism as a deep normality, as a feeling of dignity accompanied by adequate reliance on one's own achievements and experience is a rare but a factually existing phenomenon.

Picture 1. Narcissism scale

Let us assume that +100 point of the scale is a narcissistic norm and then mentally move left. Imagine: at the far-right point, a person is full of self-worth, significance, able to evaluate their virtues adequately, while as we move left, the richness of narcissistic resources is gradually transformed into emptiness and deficiency. The closer to the left edge of our scale the person is, the lower self-esteem they have, therefore, the stronger the defense, the weaker the feeling of one's value and significance. The deeper the feeling of worthlessness and inferiority, the more they want to suppress and hide it for the sake of preserving themselves.

The -100 point, which is associated with the extreme degree of narcissistic pathology, indicates malignant narcissism. Let us assume that the whole range of such disorders lies between -100 and 0. Such people's narcissism is so wounded that it seriously distorts reality, in which they fight for the right to be absolutely grandiose and independent, magnificent and unique. And since this area is quite pathological, the means they choose for the protection of their humble “self” are far from graceful or appropriate. You must have heard quite a few bloodcurdling stories about narcissistic perverts and psychopaths, psychologically abusing those around them.

And now I will speak to you with the intonation of a tourist guide:

“Look to your right – there are rare lucky people with healthy narcissism. They live, reach their goals, communicate with other people, and can be very happy indeed. And then look to your left and again see a similarly rare category of people: representatives of pathological or malignant narcissism. They can also be quite happy. It is their close ones who are suffering. The narcissists themselves do not care, they just live their lives. And now let us look at the middle of our scale and meet narcissistic 'neurotics'. That is where the majority of us are…”

This area includes combinations of various narcissistic features, qualities, and states. We cannot say that people displaying such qualities have a narcissistic personality disorder. Yet they share common features, which I will be describing in all the subsequent parts of this book.

These people have a lack of healthy narcissism, which hinders self-awareness and fulfillment of their potential. Even a slight deficiency in the sphere of narcissism might recurrently bring us into quite an unpleasant state of self-discrepancy, inferiority, unworthiness, our own “badness” as compared to other people. We may feel extremely anxious about the fact that our life is passing by, but we still do not “measure up” or have not achieved anything. That is how narcissistic neurosis begins, a widely spread phenomenon of today that does not let us live, create, love, and work in peace…