Читать книгу Zita West’s Guide to Getting Pregnant - Zita WEST, Zita West - Страница 10

One way I help couples to understand the need for taking a close look at their lives and finding a way to make the changes necessary to achieve more balance is by asking them to sit down and write out how much time they spend on each area of their lives. You might find this helpful, too, and may want to take a moment to do this for yourself.

In my first session with each couple I always ask a crucial question: How far are you prepared to go to have a baby? Couples just starting out do not realize how important this question is. When you first start trying, you’re probably only looking ahead six months or so, and are still very optimistic. The hard thing is that as time goes on there are many things you may have to negotiate: IVF, egg donation, adoption, for example. Where you are on the road now, and the effort you’ve already spent getting here, will make a difference to the outcome and how far you are prepared to go. Just as you have to be prepared to make changes at the outset, you must also be ready to alter your course as you proceed, as there will be obstacles to encounter and overcome with every success and failure.

This initial, important question makes couples think realistically, often for the first time, about what the quest for a baby might really mean. Sometimes there is a difference of opinion, which can come as a surprise – and is important to discuss. Without agreement on how far a couple want to go to achieve a pregnancy, issues arising from any difference of opinion between partners can lead to tension later on.

There is also a need for flexibility. Minds can be changed, and having opened up the area for discussion it’s important for couples to continue to be able to do so.

For those who have reason to suspect they have a problem, there is often little idea of the maze into which the first step to their doctor can take them. Often, in particular if the woman is over 35 and a couple has been trying for a year, there is a tendency to fast-track them into assisted conception – without properly assessing the fertility of either partner.

There is so much that needs to be looked at before assisted conception is even considered, and unless there is significant reason to know that natural conception will be unlikely, this needs to be done before catapulting a couple into assisted conception. And again, so often too much focus is put on the woman, when the man very often has the problem. I have seen many valuable months of fertility lost in this way. That said, a lot of couples I see do need assisted conception, but they also need holistic care and support to help ensure that they are physically and emotionally prepared for the process.