Читать книгу Super Confidence: Simple Steps to Build Your Confidence - Gael Lindenfield, Gael Lindenfield - Страница 15

Since writing the first edition of this book, I did a Master’s degree specializing in ‘Men and Masculinity’. The reason I chose this special subject of study was that more and more men were consulting me with problems, particularly in the area of confidence. I felt my personal experience of men (although possibly above average in its breadth!) needed professionally augmenting. I was right. The course did open up my eyes to the particular pressures that were at the root of many men’s problems. Thankfully these are now written and talked about so extensively in the mass media that you don’t need a Master’s to become aware of them! We know that many men who may have formerly had masses of confidence are now quaking internally because:

they have lost their jobs or fear they are about to do so. (Men’s inner confidence is inextricably linked to their ability to work and earn. Most women’s confidence is less dependent on their having a job.)

many of their wives and daughters or female colleagues are more successful (the masculine psyche is still influenced by centuries of gender programming which says the reverse should be true).

they have lost control of and possibly the respect of their children (perhaps simply because work or divorce has kept them at a distance).

they are unable to understand or work with the new softly-softly style of management at work (the old hierarchical style is one which most men have been culturally programmed to feel more at ease with, even when they want to change it).

they are losing their partners (perhaps simply because they cannot meet their new demands to be ‘emotionally intelligent’).

So both genders have their own special problems with regard to confidence. But I am sure we share many more which stem from very similar roots. Very few boys or girls can emerge from childhood without their confidence having been knocked in some way or other. (Because, quite simply, there are no perfect parents, perfect teachers, perfect siblings or perfect peers!) Another truth is that very few men or women can travel through adulthood without encountering some heavy confidence-bashing en route. After all, don’t we all feel the effects when, for example, we:

• make a mistake or fail to live up to our own expectations

• are left by people we have loved

• are ill and lose a degree of independence

• are without a home or financial security

• are let down by people we trusted

• are heavily criticized

• are bullied

• are mugged or burgled or conned

• face a change for which we are not adequately prepared.

Confidence boosting is a skill that everyone needs in order to survive normal everyday life and rise to the continual challenges of our evolving universe.

The degree to which each individual’s confidence will be hurt by such knocks and the rate at which it will recover may vary, but we all know about the pain (and inconvenience!) that a loss of confidence brings. I doubt if even the most meticulous genetic engineering of personality traits and idyllic lifestyle would ever be able to offer guaranteed protection.

WHAT CAN HELP YOU • loving yourself • knowing yourself • skilful behaviour • optimism • genuineness WHAT CAN HINDER YOU • powerlessness • sexism • guilt • stereotypes • blame