Читать книгу Forever in My Heart: The Story of My Battle Against Cancer - Jade Goody - Страница 14

I went on GMTV today to talk about the cancer. I wanted to set the record straight about a few things.

Like the fact that I certainly didn’t know I had cancer when I went in the Indian Big Brother house, because the doctors had told me my bleeding was just stress or bad periods. And that I’d already signed up to do the Living TV show Living with Jade long before any of this cancer nightmare started and it had nothing to do with it.

I never really plan what I’m going to say–it just all sort of comes out.

I told Fiona Phillips that I am not made of iron. I know people think I am strong, which is lovely, but this is tough.

I think maybe the first shock is wearing off because I’m not crying all the time any more and I managed not to cry too much on TV.

But after the show, I had two bits of bad news in a row.

First of all, Dr Ind called to tell me that I am definitely in stage two cancer and the doctors need to sit down and talk me through it step by step tomorrow. Great!

Then Jack’s mum Mary rang me to say that Jack has been sentenced to eighteen months in prison. It felt as though my world fell apart all over again.

He’ll only serve half inside and half with an electronic tag, but he is still being taken away from me just when I need him the most. I thought back to when we kissed goodbye that morning and I wished him luck. I didn’t believe for a minute I wouldn’t be seeing him again a few hours later. Maybe I should have realised it was a serious charge, but I didn’t.

Kate had just got back from Afghanistan that morning and I rang her in hysterics.

‘What am I going to do without him? How will I do this? I can’t cope!’

She tried to calm me down. Usually she can talk me through crap things that happen and make me see it’s not so bad. Not this time. I was just screaming and screaming.

In my hour of real need Jack had been snatched away and it hurt so badly.

I drove round to Mary’s house and fell into her arms, sobbing. She is completely gutted that her son has ended up in prison. They are a nice family who live in a lovely house and they have no experience of prison at all. It’s another world to Mary. She just can’t believe it.

‘I need his arms around me so much right now,’ I sobbed. ‘Why did they have to take him away? I love him and so do my boys. I won’t cope without him.’

She tried to comfort me but there wasn’t anything she could say or do to make it better. No one could help me that day. I just had to pick myself up and carry on because there is no other option. That’s all I can do. Just carry on.