Читать книгу Heart-to-heart letters: to MrRight from CCCP - Larisa Kharakhinova - Страница 6

Сегодня я чувствую в сердце

Неясную дрожь созвездий…

(Ф.Г.Лорка)

23/02/90

Dear Brad, здравствуй!

Today I`m feeling a writering mood, so one more immortal chef-d`oeuvre of inspired scribblerness is doomed to appear before your indulgent look.

Likely, as a result of my work with a dictionary I become an irrepressible prattler, who talks sheer nonsense. Indeed, I play with English language as a little girl, who has seized upon her loved toy. Чем бы дитя ни тешилось, лишь бы не ревело.

Simply,–today is the week-end,–vivat!

Oh, it`s such pleasant in Sunday morning to have sleep myself out, to stay little in a bed, to forget for a short while about affairs and give myself up to a blissful philosophizing – a weak-willed body, lazy thoughts, the room is immersed in a sweet languor. Time is slumbering in the kingdom of sleep. Such beautiful to dissolve in the tender arms of Morpheus!

Stand up and fight!

Oh, homo sapiens! (Oh, oh! You are a sapi – yes!)

I throw the window open – a joyful wind burst into my room. – The weather is fine! – The sun is shining, sparrows are gaily chirping, children are noisy on the yard. – Spring!

Spring – shortage of vitamins and peace of mind.

Spring – the time of Love.

Today I love myself. It happen not every day, but today – I admire the sun, the sky, the life!

All is glittering, playing, singing… the heaven fly open!

And even, – can you imagine! – One decrepit fly crawled out from nowhere to buzz her happy hymn of Waking. How and where could she have been sleeping whole the winter?

Oh, wonderful world! I`m touched. Nice God`s creature! It must be so difficult and comfortless, in winter, to sleep among cold stones. `I admire her bravery and perseverance at fighting such a task as this`

// Excuse my little plagiarism. I study your letters diligently. To the point, in the last one the phrase: `I bid you my heart`. Please, explain me. Is it idiom or it`s accepted to write in that way? What it means? How and when can this be used? In my dictionary: `bid` – it`s written something concerned auktion, card games, order.//

I would be standing at the window and wasting sentiments whole day, but today I must kiss my adorable aunt, have been sitting in a library, run along shops – авось(maybe) – it`ll happen to be something-somewhere. Usually, it`s seen from a distance. If you see a crowd(a queue) => go there, if you see a tremendous crowd => run there, you`ll never mistake. Join to this united collective and be meek, but careful (else you`ll be trampled).

Here you can hear last news and rumours, see many interesting people and events, resentfully philosophize about high assignment of Human. After all you`ll be rewarded for your patience.

One day, with my dear cousin I walked along a street. Suddenly we saw a big crowd. The force of reflex threw us into this disturbed mass. As it `d turned out, it was a meeting of protest against soiling Lake Baikal. My young cousin rushly entered in a Committee of saving. Now, at unlimited sittings-meetings these «heros» save our beautiful lake. I laugh at her. Poor girl! But youth is so hasty. I was the same too. I love my cousin, the only allied soul in this city, who truly loves me. Every Sunday evening we usually walk and talk – about many things – about Time and about ourselves.

This time is nervous. There are many irritated people. – They don`t notice the spring – they run somewhere with preoccupied faces, fuss, bustle. The city seems an alarmed hive.

I return home. Tomorrow again the factory – it`ll be tomorrow, but now – I`ve turned on my table lamp and music, sit down in the arm-chair and take a book. Here is such silently and quietly. Loudless music`s tenderly lulling my resting body and nerves, shrouding my mind and carrying away, far from this dissatisfied world.

It`s playing `King Krimson`, my favourite concert `In the court of the Krimson King` (Epitaph – oh, it`s deadly beautiful, Moonchild,etc). I catch the кайф (slang ~~satisfaction). A cup of coffee, a cigarette… it would be fine here a small glass of cognac and … second one… (ha-ha) – in-general – it would be fine. Alas, presence of absence…

I take the russian-English dictionary and go away from all this vanity of vanities.

This evening I devote to you, my dear far-away friend. From-under my pen it`s born this funny and touching letter.

Night on the yard… Time to sleep.

My God! It`s already after midnight. We`re been sitting up very late.

Good-bye! Don`t consign to oblivion.

I`m returning to the night. Lar.

P.S. If my letter or preceeding ones seem to you little sad – take it easy. All is momentary, and our lives, thoughts, emotions. Particularly our emotions… Sometimes it seems to me that you are only result of my imagination. And I talk to the wind…

Without dates ~~ March`90. (91?)

My dear friend, здравствуй!

How are you?

I received your letters and mine, returned from Japan. Difficult to find you. I`ll send you two letters, ne? My poetry to you. Do you like it? Funny, ne?

My dearest starry traveller, please don`t write to the address you wrote before. I do not live there. Your letters will be lost to that address. For now I live in a hostel, for a while, then – I hope to find something else, though it`s very difficult, because shortage of flats, – shortage of all – if you see news on TV, you can imagine that. For now I have a «койка-место» in hostel, literally – `bed-place` or `sleeping place`. It means several women, living in one room. We are not friends, we`re tired of each other, there are no common interests. It`s bad for me to be there in, I try to be anywhere only not at home – I leave hostel early, and come back about midnight. Such is life. But I`m not despairing of it. It`ll finish – sooner or later.

The main of all – this terrible winter has finished. How I was waiting the spring!

I decided to change my work in May, and changed all in my life – what is in my power – my power is a great inside energy that increasing every day.

This summer will be the turning-point in my life – I feel. The only I fear of such a thing as civil war, that is very possible. I`m not afraid of death, but I want to live, because for now I have a sense, or goal, I know what must I do. It would be the great unjustice to be killed in the prime of life, ne? – Bad theme.

Can you imagine I have ability to cure people. (Gift from grandfather).

So I take an interest in such things as magic, mysticism, philosophy, psychology and many other things. For now I`m interested in Buddhism, and China. This or next year I`m going to go there. – The end of the letter arrives before us – so – take care of yourself.

Write to me. I am waiting every day, every evening, etc

So long

Larisa.