Читать книгу Heart-to-heart letters: to MrRight from CCCP - Larisa Kharakhinova - Страница 9

Dear Brad, здравствуй!

I`ve received your letter from 30.03.90 – such long it`s travelling. Thank you! It`s so, so in-time, such beautiful. Possible, my replying letter will seem to you little sad or dreary. Sorry.

Simply – тоска…

There exists some mood, when there is only one wish – to have slept without waking. There are no emotions, feelings, energy for life – the only devastation хандра.

Without concrete reasons, at least, outside ones. But inside – it`s deeply rooted.

Sometimes it rolls as a wave of profound, causeless sadness. And sometimes – a maddening nostalgia. Rarely, but poignantly. But sometimes I feel myself such… – difficult to express – how, – either spleen or something more. Тоска…

I understand, it`ll end, sooner or later. But for now – it`s terrible. All colours of world grow dark. I`m sick of everything. Unbearable anguish oppresses the heart. And there is no salvation from this. Хочется послать все к черту или самой туда отправиться.

Your letter has saved me. I`m retiring – to the world, which such beautiful, created by our imagination. The world, in which – warm summer nights and the starry sky. There are much music, lights, Youth and Beauty. There are – dewy morning, free wind, cloudless sky. There are…

Do you hear music?

Oh, my dear stranger, may I engage you for a dance?

We`re dancing under a starry sky or in the Heaven, among stars and comets, or – we`ve become comets and we`re flying through the space towards far, strange worlds. The cosmic dust cover our tracks…

We are children of the Earth and our world is wonderful. Печаль моя светла…

For now – deep night. The window is opened and far stars smile me tenderly and sadly – one of them – mischievously. Look at the sky. Do you see the One? It is the most bright. I present this star to you.

Good-bye!

With love –

Larisa.

P.S. If you see a falling star – guess a wish, сбудется.

«Откуда, – спросишь ты, – волна моей печали,

Что бьётся как прилив о каменный утёс»,

– Kоль сердца урожай однажды мы собрали,

Жизнь – это только боль! К чему же твой вопрос?

(Baudelaire `Semper eadem` – one of my favourite poets./ in translation to Russian)