Читать книгу Would You Rather...? The Big Book - Justin Heimberg - Страница 13

For reasons beyond your understanding, you are about to be stricken with a terrible curse: a crazy compulsion, a deranged deformity, a perplexing personality disorder, or some other brutal-for-you, entertaining-for-everyone-else affliction. Sometimes, a curse can turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Other times, not so much…

Would you rather…

impulsively shout “Follow that car, and step on it!” every time you get into a vehicle

OR

invariably start all your sentences with “Negro, please!”?

Would you rather…

have orange Jell-O phlegm

OR

have glittered sweat?

Things to consider: possible stripper career

Would you rather…

for the rest of your life, have a two inch splinter of wood inescapably stuck in your head

OR

have the song “Afternoon Delight” inescapably stuck in your head?

Would you rather…

compulsively police-frisk everyone you meet until “they’re clear”

OR

passionately kiss anyone and everyone whenever you say goodbye?

Would you rather…

only be able to express your feelings by bursting into Broadway-style song and dance

OR

only by using PowerPoint presentations complete with charts and graphs?

Would you rather…

realize you have gum caught in your pubic hair

OR

realize you have pubic hair caught in your gum (after five minutes of chewing)?

Things to consider: This question excerpted from the Socratic Dialogues.

Would you rather…

hear all music in 8-bit Nintendo DS sound quality

OR

mistakenly push on every “pull” door for two minutes before figuring it out?

Would you rather…

automatically bitch slap anyone you’re speaking with who makes a grammatical error

OR

be able to defecate only in birdhouses?

Would you rather…

have a government agent on three-way calling for all of your phone calls

OR

have an attention-seeking Dane Cook on three-way for all your calls?

Would you rather…

have a harelip

OR

lip hair?

Things to consider: Lip hair is comprised of a dozen 10-inch-long hairs which cannot be cut.

Would you rather…

have all your text messages broadcast on highway amber alert signs

OR

have all your text messages sent to your parents?

Would you rather…

always have to be talking to stay awake

OR

always have to be moving at least 1 mph?

Would you rather…

have surgically implanted bull’s horns

OR

surgically implanted bull’s balls?

Things to consider: the extra weight

Would you rather…

only be able sleep sharing a bed with a manatee

OR

only be able to shower with the Wayans brothers?

Would you rather…

be stuck in a North Korean prison with Jackie Chan

OR

MacGyver?