Читать книгу You Don't Know Anything...! - Nadir Psy.D. Baksh PhD - Страница 12

From an early age Mary had an uncanny ability to “see through” explanations she was given by her parents. By the time she had matriculated to junior high school her debating expertise was known throughout her family and among friends and teachers. In fact, Mary was so bright that she argued just to argue, finding fun in winning, often at the expense of humiliating those around her. When the school suggested she come into therapy, Mary was thrilled at the prospect of a new arena in which to flaunt her skills. If we suggested she come to therapy once weekly, she cited examples of therapy working more efficiently on a twice-weekly basis; if she was asked to express her thoughts and feelings, she gave chapter and verse on her “trust issues,” accusing us of trying to take advantage of her vulnerabilities. She had managed to bamboozle herself by intellectualizing every thought, question, sentence or request made by anyone, until she isolated herself into an audience of one.

The fact was that Mary felt inadequate in comparison to her older sibling, who had always been the apple of their parents’ eye. Mary quickly recognized that although she did not have the talents her brother had, she could capitalize on the one talent she did have. If attention was what Mary was seeking, she found it by aggravating and humiliating others, once again confirming that negative attention is better than no attention at all.

Although Mary’s parents did not mean to favor their son, and, in fact did not admit to it, Mary’s perceptions, right or wrong, led to her developing a way to gain her parents’ attention. Through therapy, the parents began rewarding Mary for good behavior and disciplining her for any type of conversational behavior that was argumentative and demeaning. Her teachers were made aware of the plan and cooperated in the classroom setting.

The outcome was successful once Mary’s parents realized that every thought a teenager has does not have to be spoken if that thought is detrimental to the health or happiness of others.