Читать книгу You Don't Know Anything...! - Nadir Psy.D. Baksh PhD - Страница 5

As the parent of a teenager, you have been issued a ticket on a roller coaster ride, and you won’t be exiting this amusement park any time soon. This book will be your map, as well as a source of encouragement or consolation as you take the trip.

To use another analogy, you have entered an adolescent “spin zone,” where your child’s lies will easily become twisted versions of the truth; where his manipulations will provide a hot-wired shortcut to secondary gains; where her lack of integrity will be a threat to the very foundation of your trust. Their race toward independence will be brutal and genetically encoded; there is no stopping it. Your pimply-faced adolescent, who is barely able to fix his own lunch, is obsessing about the opposite sex in ways that you don’t even want to know. While you scurry to catch up to your teenagers’ premature thrust into autonomy, they are confidently racing ahead solo, convinced that they no longer need your supervision or advice. This book will advise you in how to slow down or speed up enough to see the big picture; how to anticipate and respond to the inevitable; and how to forestall manipulation and even avoid tragedy.

As your teens’ lives hang in the balance of defiance and immaturity, you will find yourself consumed in a struggle to save them. Yet, as quickly as they reach for the safety and comfort of your hand, in the next moment they push it away. You Don’t Know Anything…! will help you to see that successful parenting is as much about hovering closely as it is about giving space. It will arm you with the knowledge you need to understand your teens and commit to stand beside and sometimes in front of them.

As the parent, you are the voice of reason. Our commitment in this book is to empower you in this stand, even as your teen-ager tries your patience and seeks omnipotence by attempting to push you off the top step of the familial ladder. The dichotomy we observe, and hope to prepare you for, is this: As much as your child attempts to avoid disharmony, he or she invites it by creating and perpetuating chaos and confusion. It’s normal. This manual will provide insight into such “normal” teenage behavior, keeping in mind that although no two children are alike, many behavior patterns are common, even universal. This book will address these commonalities.

We have agreed to help you to anticipate and redirect teen behavior which is off balance, and to redirect your own think-ing and behavior. We will assist you with boundary setting and consistency—guiding you to devise reasonable consequences in a fair, patient, mature and objective manner.

As we begin this work together, let us affirm that we know that your patience has been tested to the limits. Your child knows it as well. Our primary thesis throughout these pages is that your teenager expects to be called on his or her insolent behavior. If you do not do so, you contribute to their confusion with a mixture of both relief and rage. After all, as the parent, you are supposed to enforce the rules. When your teenage sons and daughters misbehave, they expect to be punished, although their indignation speaks otherwise. If you do not parent them during their rebellious defiance of rules, you will cause them anxiety and insecurity with the supposition that no one is in charge.

With perseverance and tenacity, a good sense of humor, and some unexpected blessings, you and your teen will eventually reach the other side of what can only be described as “the ride of your lives.” Remember, your adolescent children need you to be there for them. Without exception, they cannot successfully master this challenging ride without you.