Читать книгу You Don't Know Anything...! - Nadir Psy.D. Baksh PhD - Страница 2

There is no deeper love than that of a parent for a child, and it is no surprise that such love is given in all its purity, and generally without bounds. What is a surprise is how quickly this small child, once your staunchest supporter, begins to pull away from you as adolescence approaches. This desperate struggle toward independence is inevitable, yet its vengeance is unexpected, leaving heartache and turmoil in its path. Welcome to the mysterious, dramatic and chaotic world of your teenager! It is during this time that parents must give their children a safe harbor, even from themselves, and wait patiently until their adolescents reestablish equilibrium and emerge as fully grown adults.

We believe that every child has the right to childhood happiness. But, they are not entitled to this right without some concessions, bound by societal rules and regulations and the structure of pa-rental guidance. Love is simply not enough. Parenting a teenager is serious business and cannot be left to serendipity.

The advice and instruction offered in You Don’t Know Anything…! is meant to provide you with a mooring until the seas of teenage rebelliousness and emotions quiet down. These are tumultuous times, and we want to reassure you that, like everything else, they will pass.

We know there are some days when you feel like you are barely holding on. As parents, you can expect to encounter try-ing times, some worse than others, during these next several years. Depending on the personality traits of your child, you can almost predict the degree of upheaval that may shift your life into overdrive. If your child has always been more easygoing and flexible, he or she will probably experience fewer difficulties in these teen years than a child who has always been headstrong and rebellious. Still, it is the rare child who escapes the turbulence of adolescence. Many parents agree that they feel as though they are living in a nightmare, having gone to sleep the guardian of a sweet, innocent, enthusiastic and familiar boy or girl and awaken-ing to a barely recognizable, sullen and disrespectful, overgrown, unruly stranger.

We will be using words such as “adolescent,” “teenager,” “off-spring” and “child” interchangeably, although by strict definition their meanings may vary, particularly with regard to age. However, it is our view that during the teen years nothing can be defined strictly; this passage is marked by blurs of time, shades of age, and brushstrokes of dreams. In You Don’t Know Anything…!: A Manual for Parenting Your Teenagers, we will take into consideration those ages between twelve and eighteen, ending at the general time at which most teens matriculate to college or independent living, although twenty years of age is more commonly thought of as the demarcation into adulthood.

The teen years are filled with many intellectual and physiological changes involving growth spurts, developmental achievements, the appearance of secondary sex characteristics and questions of sexual identity. Equally as important, but less often mentioned, is the recognition that adolescence is also a time of “feeling” unparalleled in any other stage. Your son or daughter is feeling the possibilities that exist in a world just opening up to him or her and suffering the fears that come with breaking away from the warm dependency of the core family to venture into the un-known. Your child’s adolescence will be marked by the longing to turn back to simpler times without responsibility, together with the urge to march forward, armed with little more than dreams of what might be. This book is designed to encourage in you a deeper appreciation of their challenges.

Parenting a teenager can be frustrating as well as frightening, and we will caution you throughout the chapters that follow to not lose sight of the wonderful person your child remains underneath his or her newly developed smart-aleck exterior. If you are frightened, know that he is terrified; if you are confused by some of her behavior, understand that she is totally bewildered by her words and actions. Adolescence is not representative of the person your child is destined to become; your sons and daughters are simply trying to find their way through a maze of hormones and peer pressure.

We agree that it is difficult not to feel betrayed by your teenagers when they seem indifferent to your presence, or as they shut you out of their lives altogether. At the same time, we encourage you not to react childishly, pushing your offspring away in the same manner. Your teenagers need you as much now as they ever have. If you are steadfast in your belief that your children are wonderful, despite their behaviors to the contrary; if you continue to find the good in them, even when they are behaving badly; they will have exactly what they need to make it through this challenging period. They will have you.