Читать книгу You Don't Know Anything...! - Nadir Psy.D. Baksh PhD - Страница 9

When your children were much younger, you taught them not to say anything hurtful to others, even though such comments were spoken in innocence. Similarly, your teenager does not have the right to blurt out hurtful comments but should be expected to use common sense and courtesy as a guide.

Some teens will go out of their way to make especially hurtful and derogatory comments to their parents. Yet these same parents, who so carefully taught earlier lessons to their young children, seem inept at teaching them to their teenagers. Instead, they shoulder the brunt of their teens’ hurtful remarks under the auspices that an adolescent needs to vent angry emotions.

This faulty thinking does a disservice to both of you. If your child has that much pent up anger and aggression, perhaps he or she is in need of counseling to unravel the underpinnings of their rage. Let us all agree that your children, regardless of age, should not be encouraged to utter every thought that comes into their heads without some type of censoring ability and impulse control.

For example, it is not within the standard of acceptable verbiage to announce to one’s parents that they are hated, or stupid, or that they are wished dead. If your adolescent is angry at a punishment you have issued, he or she may vent their feelings and displeasure in the privacy of their room, or to their friends out of earshot and without your knowledge. But to announce such feelings to you directly, or simply in your presence, is dis-respectful and should not be tolerated. Name-calling is a sign of immaturity (which is to be expected) and disrespect (which is not). If you do not execute a consequence, you are doing your teenager a disservice by being a lazy parent. Disrespect is a form of misbehavior that should be identified and dealt with rapidly and without negotiation.