Читать книгу Legend of the Peeing briton - Павел Тюрин - Страница 18

Sometimes the chavs and the chavettes[47] – the most uncompromising followers of Blockhead come to the PB Bar. They used to drink heavily but now they frequent their favourite, not to order ten shots of whiskey but special custom-made hammers.

As they sit at their tables the most advanced of the chavs yells out ‘BP!’ and the others respond ‘Always prepared!’ and tap the hammers on certain places of their heads. Then they tap the hammers on the others’ heads so that they could temporarily ‘tap out’ of the common ways of life. Some achieve kaif by making one hard blow; others prefer to tap several times with small pauses or to tap out a beat. Since it is difficult to hit the precise spot on the head, the waiters bring a brain map made by phrenologist Gall along with the utensils.

There is much stuff in the Blockhead fans’ heads and to keep the novices from making mistakes and help others to evoke the exact sensations from the hammer blows there is always a waiter on duty whose head displays this geography of feelings such as: vanity, pleasure, fear, disgust, dignity, fury

Naturally it does not subside after the hammer blows, and with each cheer the mates increase the dosage and order heavier tools each time. This tradition stems out from a mere coincidence but not all at once. One day the chavs were short of money to order the next bottle, and they were about to break out a fight. And that’s when the kindly bar tender suggested that they could order (rent) small 50-gramm hammers with their remaining Latvian lat pees. They could use them to tap each other on their heads and that would put a beautiful, glamorous, and problem-free way to end the party. The chavs soon caught on that the effect of such blows on the dome (melon, nut, etc.) is not that different from the state induced by the expensive drinks. They began ordering drinks just to warm-up and then quickly changed drinks to hammers that got heavier with each new round. Usually at the end of their parties they were beating each other’s heads with all they had got, and sometimes the café visitors randomly got a treat, too.[48] After that the entire company, pleased by the acquaintance, crawled out to the city streets where the new adventures and the new legends awaited them.