Читать книгу Goodbye, Hurt & Pain - Deborah Sandella - Страница 32

Feelings of envy are extremely difficult to acknowledge because they make us feel small-minded and less than we think we should be. Thus, we rarely share these feelings with others; they are our secrets. The reality is, there's always someone out there who is more successful and others who are less successful. These “more successful” people can find others who are “more so than they” and so on. It's an almost never-ending process.

The key is for us to recognize our feelings as feedback rather than something good or bad, so we can learn from them. Jealousy is frequently a projection of what we want and feel we can't have. Looking at them as something of a Rorschach test,⁹ we see in the people we envy a reflection of what is inside us that wants to express more fully. These people who inspire jealousy instead of admiration mirror a passionate purpose or inherent desire in us that wants to express in a bigger way.

At a social gathering, a woman shared how she couldn't figure out why she was feeling jealous of her friend who got a piano and was taking lessons. Finally, she realized she had always wanted to learn how to play the piano. Once she acknowledged these feelings, it happened that someone she knew was getting rid of a piano and she offered to take it. With two young children taking most of her attention, her piano lessons and practicing have become gratifying personal time.

When you allow yourself to name your jealous feelings (it takes guts), you can unabashedly uncover their hidden purpose. You also connect positively with those you envy—“I am the same as they”—which raises your self-esteem.

I have been blessed over the last eleven years to work with New York Times best-selling author Jack Canfield (classic books: Chicken Soup for the Soul® series and Success Principles™), initially as a student and progressing to coauthor and friend. There came a time when my work had expanded and grown, but remained limited compared to Jack's. I felt frustrated by reaching smaller numbers of people through RIM; I worried that many more people were needlessly suffering and I wasn't able to get to them.

Around this time, I became seriously jealous of Jack, who had always been kind and supportive to me. I saw his mastery at teaching audiences of hundreds, even thousands, of people at a time and the way he stayed authentic and honest. He could adeptly facilitate difficult seminar situations in ways that were graceful and effective. I also envied his support resources that made it easy for him to reach millions. In other words: I wanted to be him.

Initially, I felt bad that I would have these feelings for someone who was a great friend and wonderful mentor. Then I realized it wasn't about Jack; the jealous voice was from me and about me and it was saying: “Deb, you are playing smaller than your inner urge. . . . You are playing it safe.” Sensing that truth, I decided to take more risks and step into greater visibility, and my jealousy organically dissolved. Instead of viewing Jack in comparison to me, I was able to see him as my inspiration again.

After 2008 and one of the stock market crashes, my husband and I realized we needed to limit travel for a while. When I heard our friends sharing their fun trips, I felt envious. Born an adventurer, I longed for the stimulation and excitement. The discomfort of this jealousy caused me to seek a resolution. Soon the idea of offering international retreats popped into my head. This new business venture paid for exotic travels and even brought additional income.

Not only did retreats dissolve my feelings of jealousy; they called me to expand. As I guided groups to Maui, Costa Rica, Australia, and Peru, there were constant challenges that spurred me to grow my skills, and I loved it. This growth was a springboard to greater vitality and connection.