Читать книгу Sex For Dummies - Pierre Lehu A., Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer - Страница 100

Be careful not to become so blinded by looks, money, power, or position that you don’t see when someone is using you. People who let themselves be used tend to fall into the same trap again and again, seemingly unable to learn from their mistakes. When you allow people to use you, not only do you endure terrible heartbreak, you also waste valuable time. You meet plenty of people who can be great partners, but you don’t recognize them as such. Years go by and, instead of having spent them with someone who cares about you, you spend them alone, with brief interludes of make-believe happiness dating people who turn out to be in the relationship only for themselves. Paul’s story illustrates how easily you can fall into the trap of being used but not loved:

Heartbroken Paul

When Paul came to see me, he was absolutely heartbroken. He’d been dating this gorgeous woman for the last three months. She wanted to become a model, and Paul had used some connections to open some doors for her. One evening, he took her to a party that a number of people in the fashion industry attended. They met a top photographer, who immediately took a liking to this woman. Predictably, she dropped Paul flat and left the party with this other man.

This wasn’t the first time that Paul had allowed a woman to walk all over him. I told him that unless he changed his ways, it wouldn’t be the last time, either.

Paul needed to identify his problem in order to keep himself from repeating it over and over again. To be successful in the dating game, you must analyze your faults in order to figure out how to navigate the dating scene so you end up with someone who satisfies your needs while you satisfy theirs.

By the way, one of the worst ways of falling into this trap is to date someone who is already married. There are those who spend years deeply in love with someone who is completely unavailable to them. They hope and dream that the love of their life will divorce his or her spouse and come rushing permanently into their arms, but 99 times out of 100, that doesn’t happen. Instead, years and years go by with many more nights filled with tears than happiness.