Читать книгу Sex For Dummies - Pierre Lehu A., Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer - Страница 101

Let me delve a little bit further into the subject of wasting time and offer some advice to those of you who are always waiting to win the dating lottery — some without even buying tickets.

Time-wasters fall into two basic categories: People who always have a string of excuses for not looking for a mate:

 I have to lose a few more pounds.

 I have to redecorate my apartment.

 I have to look for a new job.

 I have to get my bachelor’s degree (and then my master’s and then my doctorate).

If you’re one of these people, you can end up wasting your entire life waiting for the right moment to look for a partner.

People who don’t make excuses but who won’t lift a finger to help themselves are in another category of time wasters. They think that they’re owed a partner and so don’t need to put in any effort into finding one. That’s nonsense. If you want something in this world, you have to make an effort to get it, and the more effort you put into the search, the better will be your rewards.

In olden times, when families lived near one another, a whole network of people was looking to make matches for single people. Nowadays, as people move around so much, those networks have been erased. You have to make up for that loss by putting your own network together, piece by piece. At the very least, you can make some new friends. At best, you can find someone you love and who loves you.

If you really want to find a partner, you have to go out there and look for one. Make yourself available. Go to parties. Throw parties! Tell everybody you know that you’re looking. If the apps haven’t worked go to a matchmaker, if that’s what it takes. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Should you use every avenue, from meeting people in bars through chatting in cyberspace? Absolutely. But as with all anonymous dating, you have to be extremely careful. Even the absolute worst blind date, the one with thick glasses and buck teeth, comes with a reference — somebody whom you know knows who they are and where they live. The people you meet impersonally can easily hide their true identities, and if they’re out to harm you, they can do so with little risk (see Chapter 17).

Now, most of the people you meet anonymously are just like you, perfectly nice but a little lonely. But you have to take at least the most obvious precautions:

 Don’t rush anything. Spend time getting to know each other through e-mail and over the phone before you meet in person.

 Make sure that the first time you meet is in a well-lit public place, such as a restaurant or popular bar. (See Chapter 17 for more tips on your first face-to-face meeting with someone you meet online.)

 Don’t be too quick to give out personal information. It may be best to give only a daytime office number or cell phone number at first.

 Take a cab home from that first date — by yourself.

Remember, it’s a jungle out there, and you’re not Tarzan.