Читать книгу Sex For Dummies - Pierre Lehu A., Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer - Страница 106

Very often people lie about their age as they get older. If you’ve worked hard to look younger, shouldn’t that give you permission to give Father Time a little shove? Or maybe, instead of your age, you’d rather make it seem you’ve been more successful than you have or blame your ex for a breakup that was a lot more your fault?

There are several problems with lying. The first is that you always have to remember the lies you’ve told. You can’t be 51 one week and 49 the next. But the bigger problem is that if you’re seeking intimacy, lies put up barriers to personal connections. You’re not presenting the real you and you’re always going to be somewhat uncomfortable not being your true self.

I’m not against white lies, lies told to benefit the other person, like telling someone they look good when you wouldn’t wear that top in a million years. But telling lies about yourself that are meant to deceive more often than not end up backfiring.

Here’s what I would suggest as an alternative: decline to answer certain questions. Your past doesn’t have to be an open book. In fact, there are some pages I’d definitely advise not showing. Telling a new partner that your old partner was better in some way — in bed, physically, careerwise — is going to cause this person to feel bad, so better to keep your mouth firmly shut on these topics. And while you’re at it, if you’re asked your age or how many partners you’ve had or whatever question that might make you feel uncomfortable, just decline to answer. Yes, this new person is going to be curious and the question is bound to crop up again, but maybe as the relationship deepens, assuming that it does, your comfort level will grow as well, and you can reveal more. But I’m just advising you that often the better course is not to say something than to lie.