Читать книгу Sex For Dummies - Pierre Lehu A., Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer - Страница 103

Many of the problems that people have in finding a partner come from low self-esteem. If you don’t believe that you are worthy of finding a partner, then making it happen becomes very difficult. You may end up in time-wasting situations as a way to sabotage your chances of finding someone just because you don’t really believe that you deserve that someone.

But you do deserve that certain someone. And you can take control of your life and make the changes necessary within yourself so you can turn those interpersonal failures into successes. You have to find out how to pull your shoulders back, hold your head high, put a smile on your face, and go out there and conquer the world. You can do it!

Okay, enough with the negative stories. Now I want to give you a positive one to show you at least one way that you can accomplish your goal of finding a partner.

Anthony and Rose

Anthony was about ten years older than Rose when they met. He’d been looking for someone who would make a good mother for his children, and as far as he was concerned, Rose was it. Anthony didn’t have any doubts, and he was intent on marrying the girl he had his sights on.

Anthony didn’t just take Rose on dates. He took her to the fanciest restaurants. And Anthony didn’t send flowers only on Valentine’s Day. Rose would receive enormous bouquets almost every day at her office.

Rose liked Anthony, but when he started showering her with all this attention, she wasn’t quite prepared. She hadn’t been thinking of getting married just yet, but it was obvious from the way Anthony was treating her that a wedding was on his mind.

Rose had had boyfriends before, but nobody had ever treated her like Anthony did. She was very flattered by all the attention he showed her, but she also realized that if he asked her to marry him and she said no, he would probably move on. He had fully committed himself to his quest, and he wasn’t the type to accept no for an answer and then just hang around.

It wasn’t until the moment that Anthony actually popped the question that Rose made up her mind. She knew that Anthony was a one-in-a-million find, and she decided that she’d have a hard time doing better — besides, she found that she loved him — so she said yes. And as far as I know, they’ve been living happily ever after.

Giving in totally to your emotions, by diving right in without holding anything back the way Anthony did makes you feel a lot freer, especially for you guys reading this. For example:

 You don’t have to put on a show for your friends, pretending that you don’t care all that much.

 You don’t have to tell jokes about your date behind her back, which you later regret when you’re actually holding her.

 You don’t have to feel bad because you’re going dancing with your girl rather than watching the game with the guys.

She hasn’t wrangled you into marrying her. You’re the one who made the choice, who made the commitment to marry this woman, and you’re happy to live by it. Being able to say to somebody, “I love you” — that’s real freedom. Only giving a piece of yourself, rather than your whole self, means that you’re tied down to a sham, and that ends up being a shackle around your ankle.

Remember, you can’t be tied down to a marriage with somebody if you’re the one who tied the knot.