Читать книгу Designer of life: 70 golden rules of deep transformathion. A practical guide to mindfulness. Will replace years of spiritual seeking - - Страница 16

“If you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change.” – Michael Jackson

This rule is based on the fundamental principle of personal responsibility. It states that if you want to see lasting and significant changes in your life, you must direct your efforts toward yourself. You cannot wait for the external world to change first and adapt to your expectations. By trying to change others and circumstances directly, we most often waste our energy, encountering resistance. Real, long-term changes happen when we change our inner world: our thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behavior. After all, it is our inner world that determines how we perceive external events and how we react to them.

This principle is deeply explored in psychology, particularly in works on emotional intelligence. The renowned psychologist and science journalist Daniel Goleman, in his seminal work Emotional Intelligence, emphasizes that key components of emotional intelligence, such as self-awareness and self-regulation, directly influence our decisions, our interactions with others, and, consequently, our behavior.11

The author presents data from numerous studies where people with high emotional intelligence (i.e., those who can recognize and control their internal processes) showed better results in building relationships and careers. In effect, Goleman points to a close connection between internal changes and transformations in external conditions: by improving our internal perception and ways of reacting, we automatically change our interaction with the world, which leads to an overall improvement in the quality of life.

This rule affects all areas of life, from personal relationships to professional growth. When you take responsibility for your own changes, you stop being a victim of circumstances and start actively influencing your reality. Instead of blaming your partner for your problems, you can turn your attention to your own emotional needs and learn to express them in a healthy way.

A real-life example. At the end of 2017, a year after the death of the man I loved, I started looking for a new partner. After a couple of dates, I asked myself: “What am I trying to find in a new man? What do I want him to give me? Love?” Yes, like many women, I wanted to be loved and for someone to help solve my problems. But then I honestly admitted to myself: I am looking in another for what I must find in myself, simply trying to shift the responsibility. I made a promise to myself – not to look for anyone until I found all of it within myself: love and an inner foundation. And when I truly found them, the need to search disappeared on its own. What a paradox!

From that moment, I began to actively engage in self-discovery, and it was one of the best decisions of my life. It was then that my Life began to change rapidly for the better. It was a moment of epiphany: if you want to change something, you have to start with yourself.

To implement this rule in your Life, you can use the “Emotion Study” technique. This practice will help you learn to recognize your emotional states, accept them, and use them for a better understanding of yourself.

• Pay attention to what you are feeling right now. Name the emotion – anger, fear, sadness, irritation.

• Notice the thoughts and bodily sensations that accompany this emotion. Where in your body do you feel it? What thoughts are running through your head?

• Simply observe the emotion, thoughts, and sensations. For example:

– “I feel anxiety in my chest.”

– “My thoughts are racing, I can’t focus.”

– “My hands are cold.”

• Allow the emotion to be. Don’t resist it, don’t try to suppress or change it. Simply acknowledge its existence. Say to yourself (mentally or out loud):

– “Yes, I am feeling anxious right now. And that’s okay.”

This can be difficult, but it’s important to remember that emotions are a natural part of life.

• Once you have acknowledged the emotion, you can explore it. Ask yourself questions aimed at understanding, not judgment:

– “Why am I reacting this way?”

– “What is causing this emotion?”

– “What need is hidden behind it?”

– “What do I really need right now?”

Don’t look for the “right” answers; just observe what comes up.

Your observation is a powerful tool for experiencing an emotion without escaping into thoughts. As soon as you come face-to-face with your emotion, its power will weaken, and it will no longer control you.

Remember, you are the most important person in your life. Your thoughts, feelings, and actions shape your reality. Start by transforming yourself, and you will be surprised at how much your world can change. Believe in yourself, and you will succeed!