Читать книгу Designer of life: 70 golden rules of deep transformathion. A practical guide to mindfulness. Will replace years of spiritual seeking - - Страница 21

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

This rule asserts that self-love is impossible without deep self-knowledge. The better you understand yourself – your thoughts, feelings, needs, strengths, and weaknesses – the easier it becomes to accept and love yourself unconditionally. We often don’t love ourselves precisely because we don’t know our true selves. We hide our “shadow” aspects, weaknesses, and flaws, afraid to acknowledge them. But it is the complete acceptance of oneself, with all of one’s “imperfections,” that forms the basis of true self-love.

In psychology, self-knowledge is a key aspect of personal growth. In humanistic psychology, Carl Rogers emphasized the importance of self-actualization – the human drive to realize one’s full potential, which is impossible without understanding one’s true desires and needs.15 People with a high level of self-knowledge are more aware of their motivations, which allows them to treat themselves with greater kindness and less self-criticism. Rogers pointed out that without a deep knowledge of ourselves, we are prone to unproductive self-criticism and dependent on external validation, which hinders the development of healthy self-love.

Self-love is the solid foundation upon which healthy relationships, a successful career, and overall well-being are built. It helps you see your intrinsic value, confidently set boundaries, and accept yourself with all your strengths and weaknesses. However, as with everything, balance is crucial. Imbalances in self-love can manifest in two extremes: egoism and self-sacrifice (altruism), both of which can cause significant harm.

Egoism is a distorted, hypertrophied form of self-love. An egoist places their interests above all else, ignoring the feelings and needs of others. They are inclined to use others to achieve their goals and see themselves as the center of the universe.

Self-sacrifice, at first glance, seems like a noble opposite to egoism, but when taken to an extreme, it also becomes destructive. A pathological altruist gradually loses their identity, forgets their own needs and desires, and sacrifices themselves for the sake of others. Ultimately, they accumulate resentment and disappointment if others do not show sufficient gratitude.

Only a delicate balance between healthy self-love and genuine care for others is a reliable key to a harmonious and fulfilling life. It is important to learn to listen attentively to your inner needs, establish personal boundaries, and practice self-care, without forgetting the interests and needs of those around you. Only then will healthy self-love become a solid foundation for true happiness, self-realization, and a complete life.

To get to know yourself better and find that balance, use the “Self-Knowledge” technique, based on the principles of mindfulness meditation. This practice will help you deepen your connection with yourself and learn to observe your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

• Find a quiet and calm place where you will not be disturbed.

• If you have never meditated before, start with 5—10 minutes a day. Gradually increase the meditation time as you feel more comfortable.

• Sit on a chair with a straight back. You can also lie down, but there is a risk of falling asleep. Close your eyes to reduce distractions.

• Take three deep breaths in and out. With each exhale, try to relax your body.

• Observe how the air enters through your nose and exits. When your thoughts begin to wander (and they will), gently bring your attention back to your breath and simply observe your thoughts like clouds floating across the sky. If you don’t cling to them, they will pass by.

• Your task is to learn to observe yourself without any judgment, just to study and feel. Stay with yourself for as long as possible.

• To come out of meditation correctly, first wiggle your fingers and toes, take a deep breath in and out. You can then open your eyes. Meditation is a skill that develops with regular practice. Just keep practicing, and you will surely feel the positive effects.

Self-knowledge is a lifelong journey. You are creating a reliable foundation for stable self-esteem, getting rid of unnecessary fears, and reaching a new level of relationship with yourself and the world. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the process of this amazing exploration. The better you know yourself, the more you will love yourself.