Читать книгу Are You the One for Me? - Barbara Angelis De - Страница 23

The following exercise will give you an overview of the relationships you have been in. I’ve taught this process for years in my seminars, and it is always an eye-opener for each person who does it. Note: This is one of the most important exercises you will learn in this book. Please read the instructions carefully, and take all the time you need to complete each portion.

Here’s how it works:

STEP 1 On a blank piece of paper, list the names of each partner you have had a significant relationship with, including the one you are with now. Don’t include someone you dated only a few times. Do include anyone to whom you were very emotionally attached. Leave space after each name so you have room to write. If you have had only one partner in your life, just put down that name.

STEP 2 After each person’s name, make a list of their most negative qualities, those parts of their personality you dislike the most. Don’t write a whole sentence—rather, sum up the quality in a word or two. Example: Marcy’s boyfriend could never keep a job during their four years together. So Marcy should write ‘Jobless’ on her list. Do not list positive qualities.

STEP 3 Once you have finished, read over all of your lists and circle any words or qualities that seem to repeat themselves from one person to another.

STEP 4 Make a ‘summary list’ of those words or qualities you used more than once or that stood out to you.

STEP 5 Take some time to think about your summary list and your individual lists. Ask yourself the following questions:

Are there some patterns in my relationships of which I need to be aware?

Is there a trend I can see in my relationships over time? Getting healthier? Getting worse? Getting better and then a relapse?

Were some partners easier to list negative qualities about than others?

Is my present partner significantly different from previous partners? Better? Worse? The same?