Читать книгу Are You the One for Me? - Barbara Angelis De - Страница 27

Have you ever wondered:

Why you’ve stayed in relationships with people you knew weren’t good for you?

Why you’ve attracted the same kind of person over and over again?

Why the very characteristics you dislike in a person are the ones your partner possesses?

As the saying goes, ‘If I’m so smart, how did I end up in such a dumb relationship?’

The answer lies in understanding why you’ve chosen the partners you have in your life.

WHEN YOU UNDERSTAND WHY YOU’VE MADE THE LOVE CHOICES YOU HAVE, YOU WILL THEN BE FREE TO MAKE NEW AND BETTER LOVE CHOICES.

The rest of this chapter is dedicated to helping you gain insight into your relationship choices, past and present. As you read, remind yourself of your summary list of negative characteristics and your Emotional Want Ad. This will keep you focused on the particular issues you’d like to know more about.

As I said earlier, it is not by accident, nor by virtue of your bad luck that you’ve ended up with the partners you have. Rather, it is due to your emotional programming. Your emotional programming is simply a set of decisions and beliefs you made about yourself, others, and the world in general when you were growing up. Each day that you are alive, you collect experiences, and each experience helps you form decisions about yourself, about people, and about life. In the same way you would program a computer with basic information, so you program your mind with these beliefs. For the rest of your life this ‘program’ affects how you think and behave.

In other words, your life experiences cause you to make certain decisions about yourself and others. The combination of all of these decisions is your emotional programming, which in turn causes you to make certain love choices as an adult.

Life Experiences → Decisions → Emotional Programming → Love Choices

Here’s something else to be aware of: The majority of this emotional programming occurs when you are still very young. Psychologists estimate that:

Between birth and five years of age—you receive 50 percent of your emotional programming.

Between five and eight years of age—you receive 30 percent of your emotional programming.

That means, by the age of eight, you are 80 percent programmed, psychologically.

In other words, 80 percent of your decisions about yourself and others have already been made.

Between the ages of eight and eighteen—you receive 15 percent more of your emotional programming.

So by the time you are eighteen years old, you’re 95 percent done! That leaves 5 percent left for the rest of your life. This may not seem like much, but it’s that 5 percent that I work with when I help people make changes in their lives. And the good news is that you can use that 5 percent to understand and change the other 95 percent.

Perhaps now you can better understand why, even though the 5 percent of your mind that is conscious says, ‘I want a wonderful partner who loves me and treats me well,’ the 95 percent of your mind that is unconscious is responsible for making your poor love choices.

Once you understand why you’ve been doing what you’ve been doing, you will be free to change your behavior permanently.

YOUR UNCONSCIOUS EMOTIONAL PROGRAMMING IS RESPONSIBLE FOR MUCH OF THE PAIN YOU EXPERIENCE IN YOUR LOVE LIFE.