Читать книгу Are You the One for Me? - Barbara Angelis De - Страница 24

Ann, thirty-nine, has listed five important men in her life. She is married to one now (Adam), another previously (Sean), and the other three men were long-time partners.

When Ann looked over her list, several things were obvious:

1 Her list of negative qualities about Sean was the longest, accurately reflecting that this had been the most painful relationship in her life.

2 Her list about her present husband, Adam, was the shortest, accurately reflecting that this is the healthiest and most satisfying relationship in her life.

3 There was an enormous contrast between her relationship with Sean and her present husband, Adam, indicating some real growth on her part.

In Step 3 of the exercise, Ann circled similar qualities that seemed to repeat themselves on the lists and then made a summary list.

STEP 4: ANN’S SUMMARY LIST OF SIMILAR OR COMMON QUALITIES

Angry

Dishonest

Irresponsible and unreliable

Moody

Sexually dysfunctional

Self-absorbed

Jobless

Hates talking about feelings

Controlling

‘This is embarrassing,’ Ann complained as she read her summary list. ‘I never realized these men had these traits in common. I always told myself how ‘different’ each new one was from the last. I guess they looked different on the outside, but they were very similar. At least I’ve improved over the years, and married a loving, reliable man.’

Ann’s Love Choices Chart helped her understand exactly why her relationships didn’t work. Once it was on paper, it was easy for her to see what kind of men she had been attracting and why she had been so unhappy.