Читать книгу Sex For Dummies - Pierre Lehu A., Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer - Страница 115

There was a time when holding hands and kissing might be as far as a couple would go until they were married. Today those barriers have disappeared, and premarital sex is commonplace. In fact, with the way sex is depicted in the media and talked about in the locker room, there is actual pressure not to wait until marriage — or maybe even past the third or fourth date. But you shouldn’t let that pressure affect you.

Your decision as to how far to go and when should be based on how you feel, not on the behavior of anyone else — certainly not fictional characters or gross exaggerations.

But having said that doesn’t mean that you aren’t affected by peer pressure. If you’re wavering between yes and no, peer pressure will have a role in your final decision; there’s no avoiding that. To think that you’re immune to peer pressure would be foolish.

Some people decide that it’s not worth arguing with themselves about when is the right moment to have sex and just take the plunge at the first opportunity. If the sex is good, that ends up being a plus on the side of this new relationship, and if it’s so-so or even bad, that might be cause enough to nip the relationship in the bud.

I’m not against one-night stands where both people are in it just to find sexual satisfaction. As long as they’re careful to protect against an unintended pregnancy or disease, I don’t take a moral stand regarding this behavior. But where I part ways with those who jump into bed is if their stated goal is to look for love. Having sex with someone before you really understand your emotions for each other can skew matters. Let’s say you have sex, and it’s terrific. You’ll then want to do it again. But maybe this person isn’t someone you feel you could ever fall madly in love with. Now you’re “wasting” your time, with regards to finding love, with this sexual partner. On the other hand, two people who have a strong connection can learn how to please each other with time. So just because an initial sexual experience wasn’t the best shouldn’t be the cause to automatically rule this person out.