Читать книгу The Forgiveness Solution - Philip H. Friedman - Страница 8

In the research literature, forgiveness is often defined as having benevolent feelings toward someone or some situation that you previously perceived harmed you. It is also defined as giving up anger, resentment, or indignation against another person or circumstance for a perceived offense, difference, or mistake. In other words, it focuses on releasing an unpleasant emotion that is based on a perception. It is also defined as giving up the desire for punishment or restitution. In this case, forgiveness focuses on a desire and an action. I use both a broader and a deeper definition. After forty years of work in the field of personal and spiritual growth and psychotherapy, I see forgiveness as the process of:

1 Releasing the negative emotions of anger, resentment, bitterness, indignation, hurt, irritation, and guilt not only toward others and circumstances but also toward oneself, God, and groups of people.

2 Giving up the beliefs that generate these emotions, such as the grievances and judgments behind them.

3 Shifting your perceptions toward the person or circumstance that triggered the unpleasant or negative feeling so that you learn to see things differently.

4 Choosing and deciding to forgive.

5 Developing positive or benevolent feelings and attitudes toward the person or circumstance that was previously perceived as hurtful, including oneself. These include feelings of compassion, kindness, warmth, and love.

6 Developing an authentic sense of peace and contentment when thinking about the person or situation you previously perceived as hurting or harming you.

7 Giving up the desire for retribution, punishment, or harm to that person or people.

8 Discovering that the events or circumstances that were perceived as harmful or hurtful were learning experiences that existed for the personal and spiritual growth of all the parties.

Don't be daunted by the long list! My point is that the process of forgiveness is a profound one. It isn't something one-dimensional, with a simple beginning and end. It is a thorough examination and repositioning of oneself that leads to lasting feelings of peace, love, and joy and a sense of inner balance and calm.

The chapters in this book will address each of these aspects of forgiveness through a series of powerful exercises and processes that include journaling, affirmations, imagery processes, relaxation/meditation, and some work with energy and spiritual healing. Sometimes these processes and techniques will trigger quantum and sudden positive shifts in you; sometimes the changes will be more gradual. There is no right or wrong way for any of this to happen. However it happens for you is the right way.